random thoughts of a semi-insane albeit charming little girl...

Friday, June 24

lightning, etc.

a lot of it scattered every now and then across the dark sky.
it looks frightening. but when i stepped down from that beat-up trike, i stared at the sky and was amazed at this fascinating phenomenon.
and then i said to myself...
"ASTIG"
really. i know it is destructive. but it really really is... beautiful. a work of art. orchestrated by the Supreme Being himself. i stood outside our gate for about 5 minutes admiring it. Ge was right. it looked a little bit like the skies in War of the Worlds. but it was amazing...
i felt like i was smack in the middle of Smallville.
hahaha. "Clark? Where are you?" hahaha.
i am obviously not cured of my addiction yet. im not yet sleepy cause i keep thinking, I could be watching Smallville right now... :(
But then that would mean i would be at the office, not at my house with this crappy dial-up ISP. i wish i could afford DSL even if hindi ko sha masulit... then i'd be downloading Smallville, LOST, CSI, Desperate Housewives and Charmed episodes (hell, even Full House episodes!) and i'd also be getting the latest mp3s and whatever latest celebrity porn scandal there is (haha!)
it's a good thing i have two books to keep me occupied: The Undomestic Goddess, the latest of Sophie Kinsella's hilarious chiclits; and When Chic Hits Fan, by Kitty Go, which is a controversial expose on the pretentious rich people of Manila's high and mighty society. Both are said to be hilarious. just what i need. :)
wow, 2 posts in one day. i must be having a good day. not to mention that i ate a LOT today (corned beef and rice, pansit, that superb veggie and fruit salad with poppyseed vinegar in that large container and chocolate cake!)
i just have this feeling of satisfaction today.
i even got a ride home for free. ain't life rich? :)

Thursday, June 23

smallville and poppyseed vinegar

what can these two things have in common?
well, they are currently my latest addiction :)
ever since i've finished desperate housewives and LOST (season 2 of both series are sooo not near yet so i need to find another series to keep myself obsessed with), i've concentrated on Smallville Season 4. :) Tom Welling is sooo sexy! hehehe. really. and sooo good-looking. yes, me have new crush. hahaha. the role of young superman really suits him.
just this day i've managed to finish 9 episodes... and that's while i'm processing 3 companies. Not bad for a multi-tasker huh? :D
anyway, the next thing on my "i sobrang adore lately" list is poppy seed vinegar dressing. Soooo delicious. it makes me want to go on a diet and eat veggies and fruits all month long, i swear, it's that good! im actually thinking about that, if only i can make it on my own. it costs P110 for one large pack so that's kinda heavy, considering it's just a bunch of greens and fruits (fruits in a salad?!yeah, i thought "eeeww" at first but it's good den pala). but i just might :) be happy for me!!! hahaha.
but then i so can not turn down chocolate cake!
it was tina's birthday earlier and the chocolate cake was begging me to eat it i swear! it tasted a little bit like what heaven would taste like, i presume :)
anyway, last tuesday my mom and i went to the red carpet premiere of "Monster in Law". it was hilarious! and it's good that my mom enjoyed herself.
i'd like to watch GateCrashers next! :) the trailer was really funny.
but id rather watch Mr&Mrs Smith cos i haven't watched that yet! hopefully, tomorrow will be the day!

Saturday, June 18

It feels quite good to know that even if a part of my life is "OFF", parts of it will never be off. Such as the thing I share with my friends. God is showing me that I am never really alone and that whenever I need someone to talk to someone is always there for me. Even more, God is showing me that someone else needs me to be there for them. It’s not just being the lone person who are patient enough to listen to them, it’s being the person they can trust and turn to. And I’m glad I am that for my friends. Very very glad.
Just awhile ago, bugs called me up to update me on what’s been going on with him. And later, another friend will call me up to tell me about the stuff that’s bugging him.
What am I getting at?
Basically, that even if I lost him for the time being, I don’t have to mourn for that loss. Yet. There’s no need for me to just laze around wondering what the fuck is the matter or spend my time pondering on stuff that’s going to make me feel bad or hate him or hate myself or regret every damn thing that I’ve done for the past year. No need for tears or whatever. I’ve sworn to myself that if the worst happens, I will be okay with it because I can’t bear to be not ok anymore. I’ve given this a second shot (second and a half actually, haha!) and if God doesn’t will it to be then so be it. And I have promised myself that I wouldn’t feel so bad about it. That this is how things will be and this is going to be what’s best. I’ve given it a chance, I’ve given him a chance and if he doesn’t want to work it out then to hell with him. Haha. I can live my life without him, thank you very much.
But life would indeed be much better with him around. That’s if he decides to stick around.
If he won’t, why waste my time wondering why?
I’ve told some things to a few friends about relationships and I plan on not eating those words. All that shit about letting go because it isn’t meant to be will take effect in my story. I love myself now and take pride in these stands that I’ve taken. I only have to keep reminding myself that I’ve done everything that I could, ever since the very beginning and if that isn’t enough, then maybe it’s time to let go and to let God. I know he has plans for me, far greater than what I am going through right now. If there’s someone I trust, it’s Him. For I am sure of His love for me. That His love is genuine and selfless and that love is forever. On that alone, I must learn to be content.
I don’t know how but all these just instantaneously come out from my thoughts. He will help me get through all this, may it be what I desire or what I dread, I trust that He will never forsake me.
Though I keep wondering right now if I should do this or do that, a little voice inside my head tells me that if God wills it, it will happen. I think I’ve very well done my part. And from what I feel right now, I know that God is already pleased with that.
So right now I am acting exactly as I should. If it means it’s off, then it’s off for now.
An hour ago, I’ve even imagined what I’d do if this OFF becomes indefinite, or rather, forever. And the scenario that came to my mind was me being calm about it. Being totally fine. Knowing that this is how God intended it to be because He has greater plans for me.
If you are NOT the one for me, I have no need to be in pain. God is preparing that special someone for me, as I am being prepared for that someone. Haha, I sound like a hopeless romantic. But really. I believe in that.
If you ARE the one for me, at least right now, then I will be glad. Even if trials shall come ahead of us, I will not fret, for we have God’s blessing.
One thing I have promised to God and to myself, I will never do anything to make my mom ashamed of me. I won’t ask a man to love me and keep me. Ever. If he is the one, he will choose to, and he will never ever regret or doubt it.

p.s. for my great friend: It feels good to talk to someone and hear them pour out everything to you. it feels really really good. I love talking with you. honestly and walang malisya. Thanks. This is therapy for me, more than it is for you :D

Friday, June 17

i just love singing this song. N/A though. ;P

"You First Believed"
Hoku

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace

So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

There were times
When I'd thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star

Thursday, June 16


REMINISCING... taken from our february lasingan session. hehehe. halata na ang mga sabog at mga hindi sabog... shempre ako hindi sabog! mabait ako e! :D Posted by Hello


hehe tong-its, 123 pass, ebak king, at hi king hi jack sa gabi!!! welcome to the gambling room! Posted by Hello


Look for the KILIG moment! hehehe Posted by Hello


kampiiiiihan! Posted by Hello


sayang saya ang mga bata o! ung isa di pa nakuntento may tabo pa... hahahah! Posted by Hello


tapos pool games para mabasa ulit! hehe Posted by Hello


on the stone age train... Posted by Hello


kunyari candid? Posted by Hello


teka asan ba ung camera?! Posted by Hello


corny sa rialto kaya picture muna... nagpa-aircon lang naman kami don eh hehe Posted by Hello


wheeeee. basaan naaaa!!! hehehe. did this twice, and did rio grande 4 times! :D Posted by Hello


FOR KIDS ONLY. haha napagalitan kami ni coney dahil umakyat kami dito... bakit ba?! Posted by Hello


in our swan mobile... Posted by Hello


in my bump mobile... Posted by Hello


cute ko dito walaaaa laaangggg!!! hahaha Posted by Hello


lahat ng first time sa EK dapat nagpapapicture sa spot na ito. hehehe. actually, everytime nagpupunta akong EK e may picture ako sa spot na ito! Posted by Hello


malapit naaaa!!! can you feel the excitement?! Posted by Hello


picture picture muna para sa mga atat! Posted by Hello


andito na kamiii!!! Posted by Hello


taken at mcdo south superhiway. pansinin ang vase of fake flowers. meron nyan at every table! weird! Posted by Hello


wala pa sa outing nagpipicture na... hehehe Posted by Hello

Wednesday, June 15


All brave, fearless Pinoy shopaholics 18 and above with a valid Phil. passport, must send in their answers to the question "Why should i be the Phil's rep to the shopper of the year promo in HK?" to hkshoppingfest@perceptions-inc.com before noon of July 1, along with a fave photo of a shopping moment. :) Posted by Hello


do you have what it takes to be the Philippines' representatvie to the Hong Kong Tourism Board's Shopper of the Year contest?!  Posted by Hello

hesitant kasi takot masaktan...

it is true that the only people who can really hurt you are the ones that you love... so should you love less in order to be hurt less? loving someone is like giving that person the ability to hurt you. and maybe against their better judgment, they do hurt you... being hurt is something no one can take back. what's done is done and it leaves a deep mark. you may both choose to forgive and 'forget', but it's still there. and sometimes it haunts you...
it is haunting me.
we are all haunted by the past one way or another. the question is whether you let it affect the present and your future. i havent quite decided what to do with these ghosts... to ignore them or to try and figure out what message they are trying to tell me?
i cant make them go away. not yet. not until i can learn to trust. to trust that fate won't make history repeat itself. to trust that i am strong enough to endure being hurt by the one i love. to trust that the world won't conspire to destroy my own fragile moment of magic.

Sunday, June 12


ganito ang itsura ko pagkatapos ko sumakay ng space shuttle... hahaha! EK and Laguna was a BLAST! i rode almost all the rides at EK and i loved Rio Grande and Log Jam! (paulit ulit! hehe so obvious na gustong gusto kong mabasa) Will post pictures next week! :D  Posted by Hello

Saturday, June 11

wheeee

im off to EK!!! hahaha.
excited na ko. i know it may sound childish but i am sooo excited to go!!! :D and then we're headed to pansol after for the team building but honestly, i think that's just an excuse for a well-deserved vacation haha.
sana lahat ng rides masakyan ko! it'll feel like a first time again hahaha.
anyway, yesterday i finally had the chance to go to Kit's new place (they now live in Manila which is farther away from our house. good thing may fx one jeepney away na papuntang pasig! pero kit has to make hatid sundo sakin kasi... aheheh well, sorry for those in manila, pero, it kinda gives me the creeps. siguro kasi di lang ako sanay hahaha. jologs naman ako. pero basta iba lang haha.
anyway, sige i have to go na! wheeee

Thursday, June 9

wassap.

it's been awhile since nag-internet ako out of the office so i decided to make it a red-letter day! haha.
i went to school kanina, orsem pa pala. grabe parang sobrang tagal na when it was my orsem, and then when it was my turn na to be in the orgtours... hay i miss those days talga. now, there isnt anything half as fun as organizing events like that. maybe i should be an events organizer on the side talaga since i love this kind of thing. but then, hayyy...
anyway, i went sa school to get the 90's to 2000's research for the coffee table book. grabe kulang pa ang volunteer writers at ideas for that chapter. nakakatakot tuloy. but then i took the proactive approach yesterday and called up several profs from ateneo. they said yes naman un nga lang they dont know what to write about. well guess what?! neither do i!!!
man.
another anyway, i met up with ian ken kanina for lunch. tumaba na daw ako, tapos sabay bawi na i looked good pa ren naman. hanep kumambyo! hahaha. i know ive been saying this na ill diet and all pero i cant seem to find something that will really push me to do so. hayyy... i guess the biggest reason would be that it'd be easier to dress up in the mornings if i were thinner para i can wear those spags and tanks and whatever that shows my arms... i know im not fat. but then im not thin either. argh. this is media's doing!!! :(
hayyy... ian ken also shared with me the pains of being the panganay, which i sooo understand. he wants to do this something, his calling, kaso he cant because of the great expectations his parents have of him. it's not fair no? i mean, not only the reality of being the panganay, but also how our culture is. i mean, if i were in the states i would have moved out by the time i was 18 and lived my life according to how i wanted it! but then, i cant stand how liberated people in those country are sooo... hayyy. basta. im babbling na lang.
change topic. sana i could try internet na sa house. kaso there are a gazillion things that i have to do pa. one other reason why i took a leave kasi i have to clean the house tapos sangkatutak na chores before my mom gets home and finds out that we did zero of the chores when she was gone. promise. i have one week's worth of dishes to wash in the sink. buti na lang dadating ung tita ko tmrw to do the laundry. mara and i really are hopeless together. hahahah. now i realize why we're starting to miss our mom hahaha.
o sha this is pretty long na pala.

Monday, June 6

sister saturdays

i loovvee sister saturdays!!!
last saturday, Mara and i embarked on an adventure!!! hahaha.
actually, kung san san na naman kami napadpad hanggang parehong sumakit ang mga paa namen.
our day started at 730am because i had to attend the caritas seminar. we played SOS out of boredom, and ate lots of Happy nuts and Cheese Ring from the nearest suking tindahan. then we had free lunch there, buti na lang. then we headed to cubao to explore!!! haha. we spent a lot of tym just strolling and going into stores and pretending we were going to actually buy something (that's always so much fun), we even went to smart and acted like i was interested in getting a plan plus buying a new phone. hehe. we hung out at fully booked and i just drooled over the illustrated editions of Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons. i sobrang want them. i've also decided i would buy The Undomestic Goddess, which is the new book by Sophie Kinsella, kaso it's a big book tsaka it's almost P800... i think i'll wait till they print the next edition, ung mga P400 lang hehe. I've also decided i'd buy The Diary of a Young Girl, Anne Frank's diary. naintriga kasi ako...
anyway, after, we ate at Taco Bell. nasayangan ako kasi parang the beef burrito wasnt as good as it was when it first opened. hehe.
after, guess where we went?!
FIESTA CARNIVAL!!! hahahah!
in fairness, hindi na sha kasing jologs. they have a roller coaster which managed to make us scream ren (but then we like screaming so... hehe), and a smaller Anchor's Away, and bump cars!!! (my favorite!) well those are the ones worth mentioning na lang. hehe. basta it's better na than before.
next, we went to shopwise, initially just to use their bathrooms. BIG mistake. after 2 hours, we ended up buying some groceries plus some other stuff. (i got a yellow summery bag - it was on sale!from 500++ i bought it 175 na lang! haha plus pink cute shorts na i couldnt resist. nakipagbatobato pick pa ko kay mara na kung manalo sha di ko bibilhin... kaso nanalo ako e, so binili ko haha). well, we ended up spending almost P1,600... dont tell my mom! haha.
After, we went to "the biggest National Bookstore ever!" hehe. natuwa si Mara when i said that and we stayed there until it was going to close na haha. I spent an hour and a half ata dun sa bargain books section, looking for chick lits haha. i ended uo buying 2 books and a BRIDE magazine which was about 2 inches thick. hahaha! P95 lang kasi! swear! and i love looking at clothes... ok fine, so i want to look at wedding dresses and cakes and invitations and engagement rings. shoot me. haha. it's just nice to fantasize, although i admit, i am in no way ready to get married and im not eager to be. haha. im not seriously thinking about marriage yet... but i do want to plan a wedding haha. anyway, total damage there... P1,200... dont tell my mom! jeezzz...
sometimes i think im sick. i have this want to buy something really nice for myself to make me happy. :( im turning into a materialistic freak. rather, a really poor, indebted materialistic freak. :( well, now, im forced to really scrimp cause it's just me and mara and if we run out of money, we'll be in serious trouble. hayyy...
anyway, after that we went to shangri-la but dont worry, we didnt spend any there, it was just easier to get a cab from there...
anyway, when we got home our arms really hurt from carrying those groceries and books and our feet were sore from walking and walking and walking...
But over-all the day was SO MUCH FUN. :D
nga pala! ive upgraded my PC!!! it's sooo much faster now! most of the parts are actually Kit's hand-me-downs, but im not complaining! im gonna pay him just 4,000 for all that... 4,000 hugs and kisses!!! hahaha! i got a new modem and a CD writer den! pero di ko pa nabibinyagan hehe. PLUS - we got SIMS 2 na!!! and we are so addicted to it! as in! ako i usually sleep mga 1am na cos i play it haha.
uyyyy! 40 more days na lang and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is coming!!! wheee!!!

Friday, June 3

June June June

It's June.
and i know i keep complaining that i've got zero to do again but actually there are tons that i want or need to do!

- fix my grad school applications. i absolutely have to enroll for the second trimester, otherwise, goign to gradschool might be included in my list of things started but never finished (getting the appli forms is the start right?)im also thinking if i'd be able to have the funds for it by enrollment time, cause now my money's not liquid (stuck in stocks, american dollars and japanese yen) and my cash is always running out (im back to living on a per payday basis. it sucks.) and sometimes i live on credit cards. dangerous. hehe.

- ACIL Centennial Coffee Table Book - 90's and 2000's chapter. the due date for articles is on june 27. by next week i will go into a slight panic mode. im not really sure if im just setting a higher level of expectation for what i can come up with than what is necessary but still... i hope i get this done. because i can't NOT get this done. i do hope the other alumni could really really pitch in... sigh. i hope i make kulit to the right people.

- being an agent for Caritas. It's this HMO, investment and insurance in one thing. my mom pushed me into it and though i dont like it, ive decided i should at least give it a try. after all, as my mom put it, nabuhay kami on her commissions from joining these sales jigs... my mom really is a super woman, i swear. she's everything i'm intimidated and afraid of and greatly admire. haha. anyway, Caritas is actually a good and worthwhile investment. i'll be attending the seminar tomorrow and i pray that i get psyched for it.

- change my blog design!!! since Kit is too busy, and i'd like to try the html stuff again, maybe it's time i took matters into my own hands... but then i need to have the patience for this. sigh.

- arrange and fix my work place. ung talagang maayos na... hayyy... gulo kasi i admit and id welcome a change too...

anyway, ito na lang muna. i've got to go for now cos i have to meet bugs at tower one in a few minutes...