random thoughts of a semi-insane albeit charming little girl...

Tuesday, November 30

i lost my payong yet again...
minsan na nga lang ako magdala ng payong, nawawala pa.
ito ba ay sign na i am meant to get wet when it rains? na i am meant to not have an umbrella? or baka naman gusto lang ni God na i find the umbrella that's right for me... ung sobrang special na tama ang "timpla" sa akin na hindi na kami magkakahiwalay... haha, are we still talking about an umbrella? :D
had lunch with nino and ge kanina. haha, always a blast. later, will go home with ge. sheeeshhh... acil pre-centennial is near na, i hope it works out better than what we've hoped for...

many thoughts run through my head.

but right now, i know one thing. God planned that this is how my life would be. He wanted it to be this way. This is what's best for me.

If you feel a certain emptiness in your life, it is only so that God may fill you up again... you can fill yourself up again...

Only God can satisfy me. :D

all that wisdom aside, let's run thru these thoughts in my head.

1) I find myself being so thankful that there is this one person who makes me feel very special... but i find myself being hurt because he cant be totally honest with me, that sometimes he chooses to be that way... now i realize there's nothing i can do about it... maybe one day i will confront him, but for now, i'll let him be... i know that someday our relationship will be okay again... i just hope we last long until that someday...

2) my sister is my best friend. we are alike in many ways, and in a way, she is my rock. she's a lot stronger than i am, considering she's only 10. her innocence, faith and youthful wisdom serves as a great inspiration. i vow to never let her down.

3) i miss my dad. so very much. last night, i met with Kuya Patrick, my half brother. all he had were stories of our father to share. clearly, he misses papa more than i do, since he has more memories of him, and he had the capacity to understand him more. But all the same. i miss him... and i still feel that thrill that i was daddy's favorite among us 8 (when Mara was not yet born). honestly, i guess the reason why i have these expectations of the men in my life is because my dad treated me like a princess. kaya here i am, on the constant search for my prince.

4) i love having a kuya! although i have to admit that it's pretty much like having galante, ma-PR, and loko lokong (in a good way) daddy back, it still feels so good that there's this someone looking out for you. Looking forward to more "dates" with my brother, and hopefully, with his friends as well. haha!

5) i love shopping. haha. yesterday, aside from buying the groceries, i bought a bag, 2 books, some stuff for my room and a new scent. no hole in my pocket yet but there soon will be one! i havent found the perfect shoes pa nga lang :( where where where are you shoesy?...

6) i love this book im reading now. Thank God He's Boss by Bo Sanchez. its a collection of his articles for Kerygma. and each one enlightens me... ang saya ng feeling... ill post some of the nice ones here soon. basta masaya sha.

7) ive been lagging behind my UK compensation work. the good news is i have 8 more companies left before its all finally over. i hope next year, pauline gets to train me for HR naman. :D

8) i want to shop na for christmas. i want to be able to really buy other people stuff they'll be glad to receive... sana nga lang ill be able to afford them.

9) ACIL Pre-C is so malapit na! yaiks!!! Ge called me up late last nyt, nakaka-freaky when he semi-panics that way. haha. buti na lang we've got our jologs-sense to help us live through everything.

10) my life is okay as it is. i just have to keep reminding myself that God loves me and that is more than enough.

Monday, November 29

i was with you for almost 12 hours.
it was the worst.
it was the best.
and still after everything...
i am right here.
i will always be right here.
i hope that you never forget that.
on the other hand, i wish to not think of us as often as i usually do and concentrate on the things that must be taken care of. like family. like work. like friends. like me.
i pray that God will lead us to that which will be best for us...

... and i hope God will bring me the love i deserve soon...

:D

Thursday, November 25

God.
self.
family.
others.

yan ang dapat na order nya.
fix my relationship with God.
fix my... self... where i stand really. what's important really...
family... when u've got nothing and got no one, they'd still be there...
tsaka na ung iba...

dapat ganon.
pero hindi ko nagagawa :(

masakit... kasi nagmamahal ka... bakit kailangan masakit? e kung maliit na bagay lang? ano ba ang problema talaga? stop na lang. stop.

opening the door wide again...

If you love me like you tell me
Please be careful with my heart
You can take it, just don't break it
Or my world will fall apart

You are my first romance
And I'm willing to take a chance
That 'til life is through
I'll still be loving you

I will be true to you
Just a promise from you will do
From the very start
Please be careful with my heart


I love you and you know I do
There'll be no one else for me
Promise I'll be always true
For the world and ours to see

Love has heard some lies softly spoken
And I have had my heart badly broken
I've been burned
And I've been hurt before

So I know just how you feel
Trust my love it's real for you
I'll be gentle with your heart
I'll caress it like the morning dew

I'll be right beside you forever
I won't let our love fall apart
From the very start
I'll be careful with your heart


CHORUS
You are my first romance (and you are my last)
And I'm will to take a chance (I've learned from the past)
That 'til life is through, I'll still be loving you
I will be true to you (I will be true)
Just a promise from you will do (only to you))
From the very start
From the very start
From the very start
From the very start
From the very start please be careful with...
I'll be careful with...
(My/you're) heart

Wednesday, November 24

antakaw ko today

though given na di ako nagbreakfast, hay delikado talga na may pera ka at may craving ka... sobra. its not even lunch yet and i already had a pizza slice and sooo itching to eat na ung pasta that i bought. hay... i bought mango-melon shake pa, super saraaappp! hayyyy. wish i could eat like this everyday.
pero kung ganito lang ako ng ganito, hayyy goodbye savings...
yesterday,i talked to gelo. sabi nya marketing na lang daw talga ang kunin ko for my masters. pwede ren, at least kasama ko sha don... ang kaso hehe, takot ako baka di na ko marketing person like before. pero that would really be challenging and sobrang fulfilling if i get to be really good at it... actually un ung pinagpipilian ko. magtake ba ako nung sureball na kayang kaya ko, o ung maschallenging talga?hmmm...
later im gonna meet Ge, sus, punta pa ko PLDT to drop off the streamer design dun sa chairman nung centennial board, geezzz. buti na lang punta ren kaming New World Hotel later (rye, reggie and JL) to check out the venue for our Christmas party. wheee.. excited na ko magpasko... kahit malamig ahehe.
this christmas, im thinking kung anong regalo ko sa sarili ko. it could be the shoes (kaso i really need a new pair naman talga so parang di sha gift)... iniisip ko either a copy of The Incredibles o kaya 50 First Dates. or CD ng Side A, ung mga hits nila talga. or enrolling in a dance class (haha). anu kaya...
for my sister, a nice wallet. with a nice amount hehe.
for my mom, anything she wants na lang haha. hirap nya regaluhan talga eh. actually i bet ang gusto nyang regalo ko is that i mega-pitch in keeping the house clean the entire year. haha goodluck.
anyway, sige na back to work na. hehe, in fairness, i was here since 10 am, and ive done 1 company and 2 episodes of will and grace...
learned something new today: that if i tell myself in the morning, it's going to be a good day, it will be. :D
made me smile today: laugh pa!si jack!
current mood: content
listening to: invisible man - 98 degrees... miss ko na sila. this used to be my fave song.

Tuesday, November 23

got my 13th month pay

pucha, bakit 25% ang tax?! anong kalookohan to?!
3 magagandang sapatos na mabibili ko sa tax na yan ah?! tama ba yun?! ha?! lechugas na buhay to oo.... grrrr...



GOD is the reason WHY even in the saddest part of life, we SMILE; even in confusion, we UNDERSTAND; even in betrayal, we TRUST & even in fear of pain, we LOVE...


yebaaaa!!! tara ng lumipad kasama ng mga Mulawin!!! Posted by Hello

this absolutely made my day... and hopefully the next month...



sunny (11/23/2004 8:53:31 AM): In a few days start na ng december and i would like to commend 2 people. for the month of october i would like to congratulate Anna Gonzales for having an accuracy rate of 99.47% and for this month Hazel Lalas for having a perfect accuracy rate of 100%. Great Job! Keep it up!

me want to study...

i have a lot of things to do and hopefully, i can focus on those other stuff na lang. stuff like work, ive been soooo lagging behind my backfill work, kasi it's kinda hard and im not into hard stuff right now, pero what the hell pala, i should've been doing that. stop na muna watching series sa office, although the white chicks movie is there na and i sooo want to watch that today.
ive got the acil thing to worry about also, pero, hayyy nako so many factors must be resolved with that pa.
one thing i really want to do...
i want to study again. haha. dagdag sa mga iisipin ko, pero that's always something i look forward to. oo na, nerdy! pero bakit ba?! :D
iniisip ko, if i want to study asap, La Salle na ako... pero gusto ko sana sa Ateneo pa ren... hmmm... di ko pa nga alam kung anong course e, pero i really really want to study na talaga ulet. i miss being able to really think about a variety of things... i even miss Theology and Philosophy, haha.
sigh.
i just want to truly tell myself na i have a lot going for me and that i dont need romantic love, at the moment at least...
kaso ang sarap sarap magmahal... hayyyy.... hahahaha.
nako... im going near broke pala and its not even december yet :(
i have to save up pa if ever i want to study na in january... iniisip ko kasi kung gusto ko talaga masmadalian ako sa buhay ko, mag-aaral ako. hahaha. labo ba?basta parang ganon...
:( dami ko pang work... ayaw ko na... pero hindi!dapat magtrabaho! para yumaman! bwahahah...o sha gotta start working na...

Monday, November 22

its time i stopped kidding myself na i actually mean something to the people i want to mean something to.
whenever i keep thinking about what they show me, ok na sana... kaso when you find out na parang the "image" or the picture they show other people is different... parang nawala na...
bakit ganon no? i wish i didnt care na lang...

Friday, November 19

thank you

to all the people who stand by me...
especially through the most trying times... this trying time.

special mention to the following...
abe, carol, may and cla, girl officemates(ryann, pauline, lalaine and nes), ge, gelo, bugs, carlo, jonjay, jay, my mom and my sister... haha, mga psychiatrists ko yang mga yan.

and kit den. i know ur trying. thanks.

basta im glad i have you guys in my life. i hope lang na id have the strength... and sana i always remember that, na im blessed. and hopefully that will be enough... for now...

i am mourning... masakit mamatayan no? hayyy...

saw this sa siggy ng isang nasa forum:
no man is ever worth a woman's tears... and the only man who is... wont make her cry...

yihee... wish ko lang... smile ulet smile...

Why it's best to let go

Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl.
One day when she and her mother were checking out at
the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace
priced at $2.50. How she wanted that necklace and
when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her,
her mother said, "Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it
costs an awful lot of money. I'll tell you what.
I'll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can
make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the
necklace. And don't forget that for your birthday
Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill,
too. Okay?"

Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl
necklace for her. Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her Grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday. Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls.

How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them
everywhere - to kindergarten, bed, and when she went out with her mother to run errands. The only time she didn't wear them was in the shower - her mother had told her
that they would turn her neck green.

Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went
to bed, he would get up from his favorite chair every
night and read Jenny her favorite story. One night
when he finished the story, he said, "Jenny, do you
love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you," the little
girl said. "Well, then, give me your pearls."

"Oh! Daddy, not my pearls!" Jenny said. "But you can
have Rosie, my favorite doll. Remember her? You gave
her to me last year for my birthday. And you can
have her tea party outfit, too. Okay?"

"Oh no, darling, that's okay." Her father brushed
her cheek with a kiss.
"Good night, little one."
A week later, her father once again asked Jenny
after her story, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you."
"Well, then, give me your pearls."
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She's my favorite.
Her hair is so soft, and you can play with it and braid
it and everything. You can have Ribbons if you want
her, Daddy," the little girl said to her father.

"No, that's okay," her father said and brushed her
cheek again with a kiss. "God bless you, little one.
Sweet dreams."

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to
read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and
her lip was trembling.

"Here, Daddy," she said, and held out her hand. She
opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside.

She let it slip into her father's hand. With one
hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the
other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box.
Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls. He
had them all along. He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing.

So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for
us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that
he can give us beautiful treasure. Isn't God good?

Are you holding onto things which God wants you to
let go of? Are you holding onto harmful or unnecessary
partners, relationships, habits and activities which
you have become so attached to that it seems
impossible to let go?

Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other
hand but do believe this one thing.................
God will never take away something without giving
you something better in its place.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied
to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from us that it might
be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt
they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not
joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part
in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story
is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know
when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.

sana i truly have learned...


I've learned-
That you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned-
That no matter how much I care,
Some people just don't care back.

I've learned-
That it takes years to build up trust,
And only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned-
That it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen
minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned-
that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best
others can do.

I've learned-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned-
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I've learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with
loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned-
that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter
how we feel.

I've learned-
that either you control your attitude or it
controls you.

I've learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a
relationship is at first, the passion fades
and there had better be something else to take
its place.

I've learned-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or
nothing and have the best time.

I've learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you
when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned-
that sometimes when I'm angry, I have the right
to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over
the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I've learned-
that just because someone doesn't love you the
way you want them to
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they
have.

I've learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of
experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many birthdays you've
celebrated.

I've learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams
are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and what a
tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned-
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others.
Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn't
mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't
mean they do.

I've learned-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
secret.
It could change your life forever.

I've learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I've learned-
that your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned-
that even when you think you have no more to
give, when a friend cries out to you, you will
find the strength to help.

I've learned-
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned-
that it's hard to determine where to draw the
line between being nice
and not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe

~unknown

Mata - Mojofly

Kamusta na, nandyan ka pa ba
Wala na yatang magagawa kundi tumawa
Nandyan pa ba mga ala-ala
Ang tanging bagay na naiwan sa 'ting dalawa

'Wag na paikutin ang isa't isa
Lahat ng bagay ay malinaw na
Hindi na rin kailangan pagpilitan pa
'Di mo na kinakailangan pang magsalita

CHORUS
Nakita ko na lahat ito
Pinahihiwatig ng mata mo
Salamat na lamang sa iyo

Thursday, November 18

sabi ni lalaine, i look so fresh and pretty today

and that makes my day...
no negative vibes please. :D
and thanks to a certain someone na tiniis ang kakulitan ko today, na-enlighten nya ako, at natawa na ren... salamat sa iyo, Shaider... hehe. kaibigan ka talaga, astig! ung kotse mo, sa pasko, hayaan mo, wag ka lang brat ha?! hehehe.

Wednesday, November 17

got this from girltalk...

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.

4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. .

6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

8. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

9. Don't settle.

10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

12. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

13. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

14. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.

15. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along

16. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).

17. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

19. Actions speak louder than words.

20. Never let a man define who you are.

21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

22. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.

23. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.

24. Love is a verb.

25. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.

26. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

27. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.

28. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart

29. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

30. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary..

31. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.

32. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.

33. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.

34. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted..

35. When it's time to let go; let go.

36. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

37. Never believe a man that tells u he wants to be with you, while he's with someone else, - if he wanted to be with you, he would make it happen more sooner than later.

38. Don't be a man's door at , make him open the door for you, because a real man would do this on his own.

39. There is someone out there worthy to be in your life, let out the trash so he can come in.
_________________
"The bottom line is that there is no right or wrong as long as you are happy. It’s the judgments that other people make that leave you unsatisfied with your decisions"

Tuesday, November 16

i feel like the world's biggest idiot... the world's most gullible fool

Monday, November 15

song of the moment

Now, don't just walk away
Pretending everything's ok
And you don't care about me
And I know there's just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don't care... yeah, yeah, yeah

Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take,
And left with an empty plate
And you don't care about it, yeah.
And I, I've given up this game
I'm leaving you with all the blame cause I don't care, yeah, yeah yeah,

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you're happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?

Do you really have everything you want?
You could never give something you ain't got
You can't run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you're happy now, oohh oohhh
come on tell it to my face or have i been erased,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I've had that all I can take
And I'm about to break
Cause I'm happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?

----yeah, feeling rocker!!!bwahahaha!!!----


nao-obsess ako!!! hehe. Posted by Hello


awwwww... inggiiiiitttt!!! hahaha! wiiissshhh ko laaaaannnggg... Posted by Hello


ahehe... kikilig kilig kilig... crush ko talaga ang lalaking ito!!! hayyy...his being an ultimate dream guy in this soap doesnt help...sana sa totoong buhay may Eugene din ako hehehe. sana ako na lang si Eula... [floating on cloud 9...dreaming...] Posted by Hello


watch it over and over again!!! wish i could be a super heroine... :D i am obsessed!!! hahaha. Posted by Hello


i love love looooovvveeee the iNCREDiBLES!!! Posted by Hello

Friday, November 12


kita kits!!! Posted by Hello

Innocent Beauty
A:

Your Beauty lies
in Innocence. Pure, sweet and child-like. You most
likely look far younger than
you are and your smile would brighten up anyone's
day. Seen as naive and
sheltered, you can be ignorant at times, but for
the most part, it's simply your
reputation preceding you. You are most likely
rather aware of the realities of
life. You are extremely good natured and
trustworthy. By the same token, you are
a bit too trusting. Be careful, few are as honest
and open as you. You might
seem girlish still with a love of dresses, ponies,
and things most might deem
you "too old for". But this doesn't
bother you. You enjoy your youth and are
going to make it last. After all you are only as
old as you feel.



Some Things
That Represent You:



Element:
Light, Wind Animal: Kitten Color:
White, Pink, Pastels Song:
Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney
Expression: Innocent Smile



Gemstone:
Diamond Mythological Creature: Unicorn
Sign: Virgo Planet:
Moon Hair Color: White Eye Color:
Silver



Quote: "A
stranger is just a friend you haven't met
yet."




Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

im so full i wanna puke

ugh. such a not good feeling.
my head aches my tummy aches... sheessshhh...
anyway, let me tell you about what happened to me last nyt.
i bought 2 blouses.
haha.
therapy.
then i had this urge to eat sweet and sour pork from chow king.
and then i saw him.
hehe.
him is this guy i keep seeing almost every morning. we ride the same fx sometimes and we get off at the same stop. he's neat and clean and not too built, but he looks smart in his dark blue polo and slacks... the only weird thing is he wears black socks with these worn-out sandals, haha. sometimes, his socks are thin in the ankles part so i can see some flesh, bwahaha.
so there i was. thinking about coincidences...
and i wonder...

but then, these are just crushies...
how many mad true loves are we entitled to again?

Thursday, November 11

crushie is here crushie is here!!! :D
woohooo...
hayyy... kaka-in love talaga sha... :D
pilot pa... take me anywhere in the world! bwahahaha!

hayyy... if only i could go back to the times na kababawans like these can make it all alright...

nakakainis. ka.

Wednesday, November 10

everything's so blurry

if only the rest of the world can see,
how you are to me...
how you act with me...
how you make me feel...
how we really are...

will they see a clear picture? or will they see it as blurry as i do?

am i too gullible and optimistic that it's a hazardous combination for me?

am i living in a dream?
a dream that i have orchestrated?
or a dream that you have designed, to keep it from becoming the nightmare that it really should be?

always hang on to the thought that something better will happen out of it all...
can somebody please define what better means?

when it seems that it isnt the right time to love... do you wait? or do you let go and just let it come back to you?

is it ever right to let go of something that feels right? or maybe i have this twisted way of seeing which is right, and that which my heart plainly desires?

what are the desires of the heart? is it so strong that it is willing to NOT see what is wrong with the total picture?

why does there always have to be a battle between what the heart desires and what the mind dictates as right?

who should win, if they are of completely opposing views?

does one simply NOT just think about it, to avoid all the confusion, or should one strive to delve in that confusion to make it all clear?

whoever said life was a piece of cake must have died eating it...

how do i go on with my life now? one step forward, but two steps back... a jump here and there... but really... where am i headed?

Monday, November 8

in the midst of all this confusion, what keeps one from giving up, breaking down, turning one's back from someone?
when what has acted as the bonding agent of a relationship no longer be permitted to exist, what is left to keep any kind of relationship going?
how is it ever going to work?
is it still blind faith, optimism or sheer masochism that keeps you from letting go?

and now... how the hell do i get home?

stole this from Rio, haha

HUGS

There's something in a simple hug
that always warms the heart;
It welcomes us back home
And makes it easier to part.
A hug's the way to share the joy
And sad times we go through,
Or just a way for friends to say
They like you 'cuz you're you.
Hugs are meant for anyone
For whom we really care-
From your grandma to your neighbor,
Or a cuddly teddy bear.
A hug is an amazing thing--
It's just the perfect way
To show the love we're feeling
But can't find the words to say.
It's funny how a little hug
Makes everyone feel good;
In every place and language,
It's always understood.
And hugs don't need equipment,
Special batteries, or parts--
Just open up your arms
And open up your hearts.
~Jill Wolf~

GIMME A HUGGGGG!!! :D

Hell is other people...

watched CSI and got curious with this anecdote:
"Hell is other people." -Sartre
seems this is one of his lines in a certain play he wrote, No Exit.

i got curious so i looked it up and found this:

This play, an example of expert craftmanship so organized that the audience learns very slowly the facts concerning the three characters, is Sartre's indictment of the social comedy and the false role that each man plays in it. The most famous utterance in the play, made by Garcin, when he says that hell is other people, l'enfer, c'est les autres, is, in the briefest form possible, Sartre's definition of man's fundamental sin. When the picture a man has of himself is provided by those who see him, in the distorted image of himself that they give back to him, he has rejected what the philosopher has called reality. He has, moreover, rejected the possibility of projecting himself into his future and existing in the fullest sense. In social situations we play a part that is not ourself. If we passively become that part, we are thereby avoiding the important decisions and choices by which personality should be formed...The viscosity of such a social character is the strong metaphor by which Sartre depicts this capital sin and which will end by making it impossible for man to choose himself, to invent himself freely...

and then this guy ends with: "You are nothing else but your life."

i miss philo...

Friday, November 5

g-o-o-d

my life might be uneventful... but my life aint the hell i thought it was :D

i got a wonderful sister.
i got a mom who'll fight all odds for me. (haha, can go overboard on everything nga lang...)
i got relatives who're good to talk with AND talk ABOUT. :D
i got really great friends who i can run to:
hayskul barkadas, ACIL friends, sassy girl blockmates... and a couple friends here and there...

basta today im happy :D
i feel good.
i dont feel like i have to feel bad... or na there's anything at all that's gonna make me feel bad.
na kahit i keep hearing mushy love songs, it doesnt matter. :D
ive managed to overcome the ugly thoughts in my head. hooorrraaayyy!!!

this all started yesterday. i guess it might be because of the bright stars i saw the night before, and the rainbow i saw yesterday. haha, see, mababaw ako diba?

life is good.
God is good.
and hopefully, i can be good too. :D

Wednesday, November 3

id like to say im really okay.
really.
things are quite okay.
normal. nothing heart breaking anymore...

but that's just it.
everything is back to being normal. ordinary. mediocre.

and i just feel empty. and really lonely.

that now, ive got no real passion in life. nothing that really drives me. nothing i can really say that i am a success in.

i am going with the flow once again... not really knowing what lies ahead.

sabi ni gelo: dont think too much...dont think ahead of the future..think of the present...

at sabi ni ziggy: Life is a gift... that's why it's called the present.

:D

sige na nga. smile na lang ako ulet...