breaking down...

okay, i erased this post because it was soooo overly dramatic, it makes me want to puke...

breaking news...

bad news: i know zero about my Statistics subject. and i'm just clinging on the hope that Chan won't fail any of us...

good news: i am now officially a Public Relations teacher! wooozaaahhh!!! coolness! :)

i WANT to be invincible

INVINCIBLE
Christian Bautista

I don't have nerves of steel
I have a heart that feels
I may have cried a million tears
But I won't drown
I let myself unfold
Gave you my hand to hold
You took me beyond where I could see
And then you let go of me


Chorus:
I was damaged by the fall
Got the wind knocked out of me
To be standing here at all
I must be invincible...
I thought that I would break
But now I have come to see
Something strong and beautiful
Inside of me
I must be invincible...


I don't have x-ray eyes
Don't have a heart so wise
How could I have known
you'd let me down
If I had known back then
My eyes were wide open
I still believe I would've risked it
There's no way I would've missed it

*Repeat Chorus

Ahh... It's a blessing and a curse
Ahh... But you find out what you're worth.

* Repeat Chorus

@12:27am

i think all that work has caught up with me.

now, i'm sick, depressed, and further wallowing myself into misery.

although there really is no BIG reason for me to feel this way, i think all those small things that make me feel bad piled up into this HUGE mountain of crap and i am soooo deep in this shit, i just want to cry. Just to let it out. Just to let myself go.

sigh.

my birthday has come and gone. i've spent a LOT, and yeah, though that's depressing after all the money is gone, shopping is FUN!

Mara's birthday has come and gone, and THAT was a helluva party i threw for her. she got all teary eyed and had a blast! many actually came on such a short notice. i want to post pictures here, but remember im depressed, so im tamad too... look her up in friendster, i've posted the pictures there (that's : mara gonzales)

my OT pay has come and gone. seriously. it's this more than a month's worth of pay, and yes, i have already finished spending it. grabe. will someone please cure me?

i'm doing pretty well at work. pretty pretty well in fact. but sometimes, i disappoint myself, and ofcourse that's not good. i know i tend to make things worse than they really are but i cant help it...

hey, maybe because there are times i just WANT to feel like shit? fartin' hormones... grr...

oh, i think i'll push through with that part time job after all...

my interview's tomorrow, i do hope i make it on time. that's the final interview... i hope that goes well... i've always fantasized about teaching so, thizizit! haha!

how i ended up in that job (or would-be job), it really felt like the universe totally conspired for me.

quick kwento: i was there to submit Mara's requirements and i was already so near where i was supposed to submit them, but then just to be sure i asked the lady in reception where i was supposed to submit them and she told me to go to the high school department.
so there i went, and i entered the principal's office to ask where i should submit them. and then the secretary asked me to just leave my resume and transcript, and i was like "no, i meant application for freshman"... but of course that was the intro i needed. so after she told me i was supposed to submit it at the other bldg, i asked her, "are there positions available for the elective subjects" and so she told me to ask this Mrs Garcia, who wasnt there yet.
"that's a shame" i thought, cause i couldnt wait really... but then when i came back to submit the requirements, i had to pay for the application fee, and that took a long time, so i had to wait for lunch break to be over. when that time came, i said to myself it wouldnt hurt to ask if Mrs Garcia was there already and there she was! i asked which subjects had no teachers yet and she said "Mandarin (err, no, i dont think so!) Japanese (i know the basics only duh) and Public Relations (oh, yeah, thizizit!)"
and so she told me to come by the next morning to do a mock presentation of any topic.

and so i did.

and i think i did very well.

and so here i am. a candidate for teaching Public Relations elective for 4th year HS students. how cool is that?!

hehe... hayyy... my attempt at doing more in my life, so that i wont bother with the inconsequential things i bother about.

oh, and i went to Batangas at Kit's cousin's wedding. and i met the rest of the clan. that was nice. but i guess you could say i didnt please everyone. yeah, i know i cant please everyone that's why im not trying to bum myself over it.

oh, and Kit's leaving for the US for five months. yeah, i know it might not even be us in the end that's why im not trying to bum myself over it.

to self: yeah, keep telling yourself that over and over again, but dont go all weepy on me...

sometimes, i wish i knew why and i wish i knew how...

and i really wish i knew if the choices i've made are right.

Can somebody please save me?