brain cells screaming in protest

i worked on 5 uk comp companies today at sobrang sumakit ulo ko, i took biogesic pa no. hayyy. i did 1 us company pa. kaya talagang mejo nahilo ako. pero im proud na i got to finish them all. kainis nga lang kanina it was soo lamig and i wasnt eating super sarap na food, tapos wala pa si kit (na nawala na naman ngayon- sa ym), tapos it was raining so hard kaya di ako nakauwi ng maaga. kaya im here pa, kasi nga avoiding the mahabang lines. dont have payong pa. kanina, sabi ni gelo bigyan nya ko ng MILO payong, hehe.
anyway, this morning, sobra akong napatingin sa billboard ng pancake house. meron kasing TACO. shets. antagal ko ng di nakakain ng taco. o kahit anong mexican food. kaya kelangan ko makakain non the next time i go out. tsaka pati ung quesadilla sa may ateneo gradeschool pool. sigh. nagugutom tuloy ako. kakain nalang ako ng squid balls later.
anyway, while i was reading sa femalenetwork forums, i chanced upon this excerpt of a book and i hope i can buy it.
The Between Boyfriends Book
nakakatuwa.
ill be posting excerpts the next time.
right now, im thinking of a new layout for my makalat work area. baka when it's new and refreshing, well... ill feel refreshed. ahehe.
o sha, i think ill go ahead na. i just hope di long ang lines...

am i over-reacting?

does the word over-reacting have that hyphen there? or do you call it a dash? either way, that is what i am asking myself. am i over reacting? am i always over analyzing the little things? i was the one who used to argue to my mom not so long ago that she shouldn't sweat the small stuff (like the big mess in my room, which is actually a small thing compared to- if id been doing drugs or whatever), but then i find myself going loco over the small stuff... and even being enraged by it. the thing is, is that detail really small? cause it might be major and it could be just creeping on me... yes, i am actually being threatened by the little things now. because little things can actually mean big... like me, im little but im big, haha. nonsense.
lately, im sooo busy at the office, but my out-of-office life is seriously lacking. although i get to go out more often (thanks to juvenile kapitbahays whose parents think im the greatest influence and my mukhang-patapos-na-ang menopause-phase mom and her new haircut) it all feels empty.
i missed a day reading A Purpose Driven Life last nyt cos i was so tired from reading Cosmo (i am seriously screwed, aren't i?)
i suck. that didnt sound nice, but it's true...

currently lacking creativity to think of a decent and fitting title...

hay nako, panindigan ba ang pag-oopisina everyday? ahehe. we can go home na, pero id rather stay here. haha, my mom went home na ren kasi eh, hay nako, knowing her naman kasi, even if i went home, no rest pa ren. sigh. ansama ko ba? haha. she's headed for Leyte ata sa weekend. ive got no definite plans yet, pero as usual, susulitin ko hehe. mara and i might go out or something ulet.
right now, i just finished working. shempre, hinay hinay work, with tons of YMs and surfing on the side. i love my job. hehehe.
ung Purpose Driven Life, well, although it might not be working its wonders to the fullest, mejo napapaisip ako. and hopefully, sa pag-iisip ko e may pagbabagong mangyari sa buhay ko. I guess all of us are looking for that which can make our life worth it. worth living... worth being WORTHY... hopefully, what will make my life worth living for me, is already right in front of me... all i need is to realize that.
anyway, on the lighter side, or should i say, wet? nako, antigas ng ulo ko, sabi ko di ako magpapayong, kaya nuna naglalakad ako while waiting for a trike, parang tinuruan ako ng leksyon ng Diyos... bumuhos ang ulan sa akin at sa aking semi-hindi nababasang jacket. shempre, lamig na lamig ako sa FX. sigh. sna naman pagpauwi na ko e di na umulan pa. buti na lang leave na ako tomorrow. sleepy sleep sleep... tapos hugas pinggan... magtupi ng nilabhan... the story of my life talaga. walang hanggan.

decolgen mode

i haven't posted for such a loooong time. been a bit busy with work and last weekend was so full and im soooo happy cos it hasnt been that full for quite awhile...
last friday, i was with kit and we met my hayskul fwends ( i got to watch javier also, the one who sang that song i posted here awhile back, i also saw loren legarda, haha, anne curtis and a lot of models... sino pa ba? hehe. greenhills is full of kung sinu sinong tao talaga)
saturday, was supposed to meet with my acil friends but that got cancelled, so i went out with kit instead.
sunday, bei invited us to go ice skating, but i chickened out cos i know id look stupid (but then, i promised her na next time, so, well, lagot na ko, no escape next time). and then i tutored her pa. so saya, cos feeling ko hawak ko ung oras ko unlike before, but then after this it's back to same old same old. our maid is going for the nth time after only a week. hayy. it's not my mom naman na this time. pero pinapauwi na sha kagad. ay ewan. malas lang ata kami talaga. sigh.
at the office, more busy than before, and then i have to come in na nga everyday, pero it's manageable. dont have as much cash na nga lang kasi it goes to transpo.hayyy... kung kelan i can gimik more, wala naman mashado panggimik... sad... you really cant have everything...
ive been learning a lot from the two books ive been reading. but i doubt i can get anything real from it. hayyy.
i haven't been dreaming na lately. maybe because ive been getting 8 hours sleep naman na... but i guess ill be expecting more dreams na naman cos ill be back to the same routine of sleeping late and waking up before the sun is up na naman. sigh. i filed a leave for thursday since half the people here will be on a seminar, then it's my turn na sa friday.
kanina, i woke up with cough and colds. grrr. i hate having sipon.
baradong ilong is so booo.
sheeshhh.
now im playing sa ym with kit. haha, fun fun... im still in the office this late cos im trying to avoid mahabang pila sa fx which gets so tiring kasi ur standing up doing nothing... e wala naman kagwapuhan don na masisilayan hehehe...
hay nako. im back to the most boring and tiring routine ever.

???

this week, aside from working on my normal analyses, i had to absorb a lot of financial know-how for work in UK Compensation. geez.. nakakaloka ang mga numbers ng mga kumpanya ah. and i still ahevnt asked exactly what's in it for me. sana malaki laking dagdag.hayyy.
i was assigned 2 companies on that (buti the third one's annual report was a corrupt file) at wala akong natapos ni isa kasi, alam mo ung feeling na, andaming unfamiliar stuff na complicated na nararamdaman mong naloloka ka, kaya better quit na? hehe. basta im not in the mood to dissect it na. complicated talaga. with my UKComp boss on leave, im thinking na ill leave by 130 hehe. actually, we havent really talked about anything regarding how it goes for ryann and me. like today. technically, it's ok if i dont go to the office today cos it's not my turn yet. But then, since we're doing this additional work, are we supposed to come in everyday na? Since this is like a favor lang, nag-a-apply ba ung formal policies? well, i guess, kung magpapaka professional ako. kaso, hehe, my UKComp boss isnt here, so wala ren. i mean, i cant really do any work kasi i dont even know what im really doing eh. hayyy. confused.
anyway, i know you dont give a damn about that.
later im meeting my highschool barkada just so we can dissect one another's boyfriends haha. particularly jaimee's. hehe.
tomorrow, im set to meet my acil barkada for dinner also. wow, 2 gimik, buti napayagan ako ng nanay ko. haynako, she wanted me to arrive nga ng 9pm at home. anlabo diba? oh well. i think we can stretch the rope a bit.
i still have no idea where im headed. pero ok lang. (i hope)
im reading two books ryt now.
a purpose driven life
7 habits of highly effective people

i dont know if it'll effect a change, parang lately im aimlessly wandering about looking for i dont know what. hay nako. minsan nakakadepress. pero i know naman na a lot of things are going quite well for me, i just have to keep reminding myself of all that. sigh.
ewan ko, am i just convincing myself to not bring myself so down so much?
i guess everything is just a matter of perception... kaya nga siguro its possible to create your own reality, to create your own world, mold everything according to your own view of things, of what should be or should not be...
but then again, this is just a lame attempt at being profound...
life sucks...
but believe it or not, i dont feel bad about it... how long will it last?

i'm not supposed to be at work today. but then, when i accepted that offer to work on the UK Compesation project, i didn't realize i'd be giving up my carefree work schedule...
yes, starting today, i am required to go to the office everyday, to work 8 hours a day. I'm going to report to a different boss from tuesday til friday (im gonna work on analysis mondays na lang) and I have to keep a good impression. sigh.
judging from meeting her this morning, man, i need to get really serious and focused this time. she was once "MVP" of the company, aint that scare you... she must really be into the job then, and so, so should we... sigh.
good thing i have a lot of leaves left. this is good na ren, this will be good exposure, it'll be like another completely different job, so that's additional experience... plus, it deals with a lot of finance daw, so though my head might ache, that'll certainly keep my brain cells busy, and i might learn a lot more along the way.
i guess, i'm now forced to improve on my work ethics, i can't be THAT late anymore (no more coming in the office at 11 am... dapat 9 am na kc people in that division comes in around that time...) no more tatamad tamad for me. it's for the better naman talaga eh, id get a lot more pa in terms of money, cause id be working a lot na (pero dont tell my mom!hehe) This means less dates also. boo.
anyway, my weekend went by so fast, i dont think i got enough sleep. sigh. but it was fun, i think.
shopping for mama's gifts last saturday, special lunch and movieeee... we watched Now That I Have You and A Cinderella Story...
teehee... i loved them both.
minsan, feeling ko my taste in movies is sooo not mature. i mean, i still love these fairy tale, hopeless romantic movies... i didnt even plan on watching A Cinderella Story kasi nga it's so predictable (diba?!), pero i still did and i LOVED it...
sheeesshhh... and babaw ko talaga... or feeling can relate ba? hehe. minsan, i keep thinking how it would be like to live like that in the fairy tale and then, soon after, you live happily ever after... kahit na hindi naman talaga nade-define kung ano ba yung happily ever after na yon.
I loved the guy... si Chad Michael Murray... cute nya kasi, and i love the idea of this smart, guapo guy, who's this big guy on campus kind, but in truth, he's this really sensitive, sweet and real guy. haha. stereotype na ata yan sa mga ganitong movies eh. hay nako. no matter how predictable, i still manage to like it. guess im not so pro-unconventional then.
Now That I Have You. i also really LOVED it. yet, again, i am surprised na there are Filipino movies that maybe cheesy and predictable nga, pero can be witty and funny and kakilig kilig pa ren. jeez, i dont know if i get so easily kilig lang, or i just love feeling kilig lang, haha.
basta natuwa ako sa kanya. i was curious kasi it claimed nga na "it's your love story"... e sa trailer, hello, anlayo ng ugali ko sa character ni bea, no. pero in different parts of the film, haha, i can find myself saying na "ahehe, onga..." naks, relate na relate ba? hehe. more than the movie, i LOVED some of Bea's clothes!!! me want to shop!!!hahaha... kaso wala ng pangshop. sigh. kakasweldo pa lang, nakalahati ko na ung sweldo ko. boo. i am so poor. hay.
nung sunday naman, well, it's the "debut" of our 7-year old kapitbahay... hehe. nako, the party was parang debut talaga, with cutillion (tama ba ispelling?), the personal special messages, the really nice giveaways... sigh. wish ko lang no, ganyan ako kayaman, noh. the food was so sarap also hehe. i was with Bei most of the time and we got our pictures taken. haha, ganda namen. :D will post them here soon i hope.

o sha, basta, i wish i was rich na i can throw parties like that, hehe. and then get loads of gifts den!
and yeah, i am a SUCKER for romance and fairy tales. Boo.

Oh, but A Cinderella Story had something unconventional about it pala. Duff said, "Waiting for you is like waiting for drought in this rain... useless and disappointing."
You go girl!!! No more being the damsel in distress!

snippets of a dream

or more like a nightmare...
this morning i woke up with a terrible headache. pano ba naman, mukhang end of the world na ang napanaginipan ko. its all a jumble of unbelievable and unrealistic and unrelated events.
i was in the office, only, it wasn't really my office, cause when you go out or go to the washroom, you see a nice lake scenery, complete with gondolas floating around. the next thing i knew, i was set up for a date with hero (hay nako, crush ko nga siguro talaga, although after this dream i dont really like him na), but then he was such a jerk about it. later, id find out why. he was insisting that i pay for the date pa nga e. so i stomped away kasi he was so not a gentleman. so he left, aboard the gondola, when i ran after his gondola (with several people yelling to the gondola person to slow it down so i can catch up), and then i grabbed him by the collar and started yelling at him (how to be a gentleman 101). next, i think i went to the washroom and when i got out, i was in a road that led uphill. i noticed two kids following me (i swear i saw those kids on tv, not sure which), and then, they try to attack me. tapos i see ryann and ian (hehe, hhww pa :D) and cry for help. tapos this kid has powers pala, parang pyrotechnic ba un? ung parang sa firestarter na, he can throw fireballs at you?! tapos si ryann, she's a pyrotechnic also (or whatever it's called) kaya lang parang she hasn't really developed them pa so it's just this little flame... basta i was able to get away, while asking ryann pa kung me sweldo na (haha!). tapos i tried to get a cab... weird, pero i was there lang, while the kids got ryann and ian and took them to a house where they were locked inside. then i was outside trying to flag down cars while shouting na my friends needed help. inside naman, there's this man na super pyrotechnic or something who orders these kids around. tapos si ryann and ian become hostages pero they turn into superman and wonderwoman (hehe, but then, di na nila mukha yon, so bale, hehe dont imagine ryann in wonderwoman costume na... hehehe)but then they lost na their powers so its up to me to help. so i continue finding help, until there's this policeman in a police car who approaches the house and tries to help. meanwhile, i see Robin (as in Batman and Robin) in the house na katapat hiding behind a gate. but then, his powers are spiderman powers kasi he tries to pull spiderman's and wonderwoman's ropes through his sapot... weird. and so they are free na and they try to fly away but then they lost their powers nga. buti na lang behind the house is a lake, so they jump and they're okay na. hehe. but then, the super pyro guy is angry and so, he burns the mountains down. as in katakot. ako naman, i return to the office. and then bago ako maka-akyat sa elevator, there are a couple of dead bodies being carted away kasi ung HELE international school (weird name, siguro puro HELE ang subject nila, pero wag ka, international school), basta some kids who broke the rules died kasi they weren't careful. freaky. and then i went to the office to get my sweldo (hehe, mukhang pera pa ren amidst everything?!hey, payday daw eh!) basta on my way down, i was thinking grabe, how is this dream going to end, kasi it's so horrible (so i knew all along na it was a dream pero i was just letting myself, well, dream...) and then when i was out na, i bumped into Hero (he was in this weird, parang three kings costume in the middle of an alley) and then he said sorry, tapos he was acting gay! and so that explained why he was such a jerk. but we still made plans to go out, un nga lang, sabi nya, bahala ako sa food, sha sa entertainment! haha! in the background, the mountains are in flames, and then i woke up...
somebody must've been hammering my head during that dream...

he played me this song...

If I Never Get To Heaven
by Javier

What does your love mean to me
its something i can't answer easily
just like the air that i breathe
you fill me up inside, you give me all that i need
like a bird flying high on a summers day
you're the wind that carries me away
to a place where you and i will always stay forever

chorus:
if i never get to heaven then at least i will have known
i had an angel here that I could call my very own
and if this world should end tomorrow, girl
this much i know is true
i found my piece of heaven the day that i found you

longer than poets will rhyme
girl my love will burn for you until the end of time
if i should die before tomorrow comes
i wont regret a single day, because i had your love
must be somethin in the way you say my name
it takes away my worries and my pain
girl i know we'll make it through the rain together

like a river flows and a flower grows,
my love for you will never fade
like the sun will rise in the morning sky
you know that i am here to stay forever

and i smiled...

just dropping by

mara and i are on a date today :D
just stopped by the office cos she wants to see where i work. hehe, makalat.
we just came from powerplant, toured her around, hehe. para lang makita nya. later we're off to glorietta to see the circus. and para ren she can see greenbelt at night. wheee.
hehe.
malamang maubos pera ko neto sigh. pero ok lang quality time with her. lately den kasi i haven't spent much time with her. so there.
sige, i have to create her friendster account pa haha!

i had ice cream for breakfast today...

well, i did eat hotdogs with mare early 6am, but then i slept for a while again and woke up around 9 and so i quickly took a bath, changed and went here sa office, where it's sheila's bday so there was ice cream in the pantry. man. ang sarap! it's like having sosyal dirty ice cream cos i put in cookies and cream, almond and blueberry ice cream all in one cup. ansarap.
anyway, im thinking of withdrawing my part time account exec job. now lang kasi my boss offered me to work for another department, but ill still keep doing analyses for US research. ill be getting additional compensation for that, of course, and im looking forward to that. i think the work would be more challenging, sana i wont be olats at it. hehe. well, un nga lang, goodbye na malamang sa aking weekday vacations hehe. i think i'll have to start going to the office na everyday. sigh. oh well. no pain no gain. ahehe. actually di yon ung situation, pero that was what came to my head. something like, you gotta sacrifice some things to be able to achieve, well, better things. ahehe. lame.
anyway, tomorrow might just be my last weekday vacation day (hope not ofcourse). i dont really have plans for tomorrow but i have a lot of plans for saturday. im thinking me and mara will go out on a date (yihee, sister bonding!) my mom's in sorsogon kasi, doing an inspection, she'll be home sunday ata so we're left home alone. we'll start with the circus at glorietta, eat lunch, hang out at powerbooks, maybe even go to the office, not to work ah, but because my sister is making kulit how she wants to see my office. haha. and then eat some more, and maybe watch a movie. sabi ko i wont watch garfield the movie, kahit na favorite ko sha, kasi nakakatakot ung garfield sa movie, hindi na cute, pero now, i think im going to give in. i was thinking, around the world in 80 days can also be an option, kahit na, again, sabi ko i wont watch it, kahet na jackie chan is there. kasi naman, i didint really like the previews and i hated his hair. haha, dahil sa buhok eh no... pero im thinking of watching it pa ren... hmmm... its still jackie chan, and jackie chan i like... :D
anyway, this am, sa fx, i just thought of texting my hayskul barkada, cos i missed them bigla and so i mass-texted them. hay nako. they are all busy with med school, law school and board reviews no. di lang busy, sobrang busy and stressed which makes me thankful na i didnt choose any of those paths. hayyy... i guess that's how it is when you're friends with smarty smarties...we all used to think that i was ahead, basically because im working now and they're still buried in their books. pero when i think about it, years from now, they would all be professionals (well, kasi doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc) and i would still be... well, nowhere really. i envy them kasi they really went for what they wanted... ako... i dont even know what i want, until now e. sigh. i guess im gonna be like this forever. im thinking nga e, baka naman im really not destined for this... baka im not destined to work my ass off to get rich? baka im to be a philantrophist, some volunteer chuva, or a housewife, or consultant, or make speeches or whatever. hay nako. i guess it isnt even time for me to find out yet...
que sera sera...

papitas fritas

hehe, been munching on papitas fritas. man, even if i know that im getting fat na, i have absolutely no will power talaga. sigh. even to get my butt to exercise is such a chore. anyway, that subject is depressing. change topic.
ive figured out that i dream almost every night. the difference is whether i remember them or not. and that difference lies on how many hours i sleep. it seems that when i sleep for about 6 hours or less, i can recall my dreams, but longer than that, i wont be able to na, unless it's a mini series (hehe).
ive had a number of dreams lately, and im convinced that my subconscious is indeed telling me something, cause my dreams are not the "super impossible" ones, like flying or running around with the artistas. but these are dreams that could happen and im wondering if it reveals some of my hidden desires, un-admitted attractions, etc, etc. but then, maybe my brain is just in overdrive... hmmm.
tomorrow is kit's borthday, and if you (kit) get to read this, i hope you wont be disappointed when i say i have zero plans yet. i think it has gotten to that point where, i wish to do something extraordinary, but then in the efforts to do so, i end up with, well, nothing. something at the back of my mind is telling me that this could be an unconscious effort to get back at you (evil!) and so my reflexes are refusing to cooperate with the desires of the heart. ewan. all i know is, i am even more disappointed that i cant come up with anything mind blowing, just as i did last year. and im even more worried that my brain cells are slowly dying, and so, what's gonna happen after a few more years down the road? are we going to descend ourselves to simple celebrations, then cover them up, saying that , "Simpler is better" ?!
Is simpler better?
whatever. the more pressing issue is what do i do now...
im meeting lily later to give her the hands-on manila newsletter. Now that's a worthwhile thing. I got to go in the orientation last Thursday, and i especially liked this tagline.
Your free time is a good time to care.
:D
Hands On Manila is like a bridge between volunteers and NGOs. The great thing here is that you can choose to do whatever volunteer activity you want, whether it's with kids, something to do with nature, cooking, baking, sports, the elderly, even helping in the admin stuff of NGOs... at any time you are available. Great huh?
If you're interested, just tag me, and ill fill you in more. Basta, it's a good thing to get into. Kung feeling nyo, dahil working na kayo e nawawalan na ng saysay ang buhay nyo, join ka na :D
right now, there are 6 of us who are joining (Ge, Joy M., Aja, Citas and Ian Ken).
Oh, and Lily! if i can persuade her pa. :D
Im excited to start na. :D
nga pala, i finally got my bonus na! yeah, i got really rich for a day or two, pero now, im back to the poor being that i was. sheesshhh. talagang easy come, easy go. man, super unti na lang mabibili mo. Before we left sa greenhills, i panicked kasi i thought i left some shopping bags dun sa mga stalls na we stopped over. lechugas, wala pa, yun lang pala talaga ang nabili ko. kaunti.
im not even halfway pa ng to-buy list ko. huhuhu. nakakaiyak no.
what i bought with my bonus money so far:
-grocery worth 5 thou (ouch)
-pink baggie nicey nice with swirley designs
-sandals pero 1 lang huhu
-jeans
-mara's school shoes and tons of clips (which she will probably lose after a month)
-some stuff for mommy (jewelry, blouses)
-belts! yay!
-some stuff for the getting-vain me (but hey, they are totally necessary!!!)

hmmm, yan ung naaalala ko. ey, we even bought some red wine! kasi it's good for the health ryt? hehe. but man, it's really good to drink. really really good. my mom was the one who urged me to drink. just 2 shots per day, yum! ahehe. but if ever ill get wasted in the future, bring out the red wine! :D
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