it's that time of the year again... after peak season comes petiks season.
i haven't been able to update lately, i've turned into a workaholic maniac. although i've been coming to the office at 10am, i sometimes leave at around 11 or 12 midnight.
so much has happened this past month.
my birthday and mara's birthday for instance. not much there but we got our ideal dose of cake and ice cream and we had ultimate sister bonding, and that's:
1) going to powerbooks and just reading
2) watching pirated dvds and vcds that we mass-bought
3) exploring places like greenbelt, podium, powerplant and shangrila... and spending spending spending...
4) walking/biking (actually, one of us walks, the other one rides the bike) around the village and pointing at houses which we'd like to claim as ours
5) trying to study for her pisay exams
6) UNO!
7) buying loads of stickers to complete her collection and Panini book
8) trying to bake...
9) eating and eating and eating, from waffles while walking, shawarma while resting, frappes while reading, banana splits till our heads hurt and loads of sushi and teriyaki for dinner
10) and basically talking and laughing and hugging and running around... it's great to be a kid again. :D
anyway, my mom's gonna be gone for the coming two weeks so we'll be back in wonderland again haha!
i treated some of my friends at tavern (it wastn cheap!) but we enjoyed it really! i really love getting together with my highschool friends. side A was playing and i fell in love with Joey B. once again haha. this time we got a picture too!
next on the list, i've been on a great shopping binge the past month. i kept telling myself these are rewards for a job well done (yup, i got really good at my job, i won a few awards for good work! in cash, baby!) so i bought books, clothes, lots of food, etc, etc. sigh. it was already too late when i realized id gone overboard and now im going on a crash diet just so my money doesnt run out. oh well. im ok with that. besides ive got about P30,000 though they're all not liquid right now. A part's in yen, a part's in dollars and a part's in stock in my mom's CO-OP. so i guess it's safe to say i've still got some savings...haha.
i haven't been able to fix my grad studies application. so im going to do that next semester... although sometimes im still having second thoughts, basically because im not really sure what i should really study about and also, the "so what if id done grad school" part. im not really sure what id do after. quit this job and go for a multinational (which i should have done in the first place but was too lazy, chicken and pessimistic to do)? geez. i feel like ill be going in a midlife crisis after i finish grad school and im thinking, am i ready for that? i mean, im the type who eagerly starts off something but never gets to finish it. just think about that Oracle DBA course that i started, cost me around 14thousand, and now i remember zilch about it. 14thousand all down the drain. i cant believe how foolish that was, it's depressing :(
anyway, after i felt so high working, now i cant work even one company cause i've gotten way past my quota, and so i seriously do nothing work-related at work. Thank God for those series episodes of LOST, desperate housewives, CSI (LV and Miami), SATC, nip/tuck, simple life and a couple of movies in the shared drive... but then i can feel my brain slowly turning into mushroom soup. :(
i've got that ACIL book to take care of too. Two chapters actually. i think i can pull that off. but sometimes im scared that it'll be a bust, especially when help seems to be so scarce...but then thinking that i cant fail on this, well, that helps.a certain amount of pressure always helps...
the past few weeks i got to help out friends too. the player turned loyal boyfriend. (haha!) and the heartbreaker and the heartbroken. it's a killer cause you get to be torn sooo wide apart. but after talking you feel this sort of gratification that you've really been there for a friend... and that you listened, understood and were truly there for them. it gives a sense of purpose and fulfillment somehow.
and now. sometimes i feel so lousy and unsatisfied. like im missing out on something or that im better off just lying around pretending to be dead. maybe it's because i feel a bit useless... like what's the point of me being here? do i need to read that "Purpose Driven Life" book again (actually i never got to finish that one. just one of the things ive started but never quite finished)... and im starting to feel that feeling i most hate: regret. That i've made terrible choices and decisions. That i myself have been terrible and irresponsible... and that i am nowhere near where id wanted to be... :(
jeez. what do i really want in my life?
it's sad too that i havent prayed that much. havent even gone to mass all this time. when i visited an adoration chapel just this week, it all felt so foreign and i found myself at a loss for what i wanted to pray for. but i did feel the need to just go there. do i go by that feeling of need? or should i be a lot more ambitious now and go for whatever i want? will i be ready and responsible for every thing that comes my way?
why the hell did this post turn out to be so serious?!
let's turn crazy and deranged and senseless....
i want to be a firetree in my next life. there are seasons when it's empty, devoid of color... but when it blooms, it takes ur breath away, fires you up even, lets you stare at its strong and bold colors... all that time you thought it was empty, it was just preparing itself to amaze you. cool huh? i want to have a fire tree in my backyard when i get my own house.
blah blah blah. till next entry...
p.s. i hope i get a nicer blog design soon... i hope i can start on that and really finish it...
