It feels quite good to know that even if a part of my life is "OFF", parts of it will never be off. Such as the thing I share with my friends. God is showing me that I am never really alone and that whenever I need someone to talk to someone is always there for me. Even more, God is showing me that someone else needs me to be there for them. It’s not just being the lone person who are patient enough to listen to them, it’s being the person they can trust and turn to. And I’m glad I am that for my friends. Very very glad.
Just awhile ago, bugs called me up to update me on what’s been going on with him. And later, another friend will call me up to tell me about the stuff that’s bugging him.
What am I getting at?
Basically, that even if I lost him for the time being, I don’t have to mourn for that loss. Yet. There’s no need for me to just laze around wondering what the fuck is the matter or spend my time pondering on stuff that’s going to make me feel bad or hate him or hate myself or regret every damn thing that I’ve done for the past year. No need for tears or whatever. I’ve sworn to myself that if the worst happens, I will be okay with it because I can’t bear to be not ok anymore. I’ve given this a second shot (second and a half actually, haha!) and if God doesn’t will it to be then so be it. And I have promised myself that I wouldn’t feel so bad about it. That this is how things will be and this is going to be what’s best. I’ve given it a chance, I’ve given him a chance and if he doesn’t want to work it out then to hell with him. Haha. I can live my life without him, thank you very much.
But life would indeed be much better with him around. That’s if he decides to stick around.
If he won’t, why waste my time wondering why?
I’ve told some things to a few friends about relationships and I plan on not eating those words. All that shit about letting go because it isn’t meant to be will take effect in my story. I love myself now and take pride in these stands that I’ve taken. I only have to keep reminding myself that I’ve done everything that I could, ever since the very beginning and if that isn’t enough, then maybe it’s time to let go and to let God. I know he has plans for me, far greater than what I am going through right now. If there’s someone I trust, it’s Him. For I am sure of His love for me. That His love is genuine and selfless and that love is forever. On that alone, I must learn to be content.
I don’t know how but all these just instantaneously come out from my thoughts. He will help me get through all this, may it be what I desire or what I dread, I trust that He will never forsake me.
Though I keep wondering right now if I should do this or do that, a little voice inside my head tells me that if God wills it, it will happen. I think I’ve very well done my part. And from what I feel right now, I know that God is already pleased with that.
So right now I am acting exactly as I should. If it means it’s off, then it’s off for now.
An hour ago, I’ve even imagined what I’d do if this OFF becomes indefinite, or rather, forever. And the scenario that came to my mind was me being calm about it. Being totally fine. Knowing that this is how God intended it to be because He has greater plans for me.
If you are NOT the one for me, I have no need to be in pain. God is preparing that special someone for me, as I am being prepared for that someone. Haha, I sound like a hopeless romantic. But really. I believe in that.
If you ARE the one for me, at least right now, then I will be glad. Even if trials shall come ahead of us, I will not fret, for we have God’s blessing.
One thing I have promised to God and to myself, I will never do anything to make my mom ashamed of me. I won’t ask a man to love me and keep me. Ever. If he is the one, he will choose to, and he will never ever regret or doubt it.
p.s. for my great friend: It feels good to talk to someone and hear them pour out everything to you. it feels really really good. I love talking with you. honestly and walang malisya. Thanks. This is therapy for me, more than it is for you :D
Just awhile ago, bugs called me up to update me on what’s been going on with him. And later, another friend will call me up to tell me about the stuff that’s bugging him.
What am I getting at?
Basically, that even if I lost him for the time being, I don’t have to mourn for that loss. Yet. There’s no need for me to just laze around wondering what the fuck is the matter or spend my time pondering on stuff that’s going to make me feel bad or hate him or hate myself or regret every damn thing that I’ve done for the past year. No need for tears or whatever. I’ve sworn to myself that if the worst happens, I will be okay with it because I can’t bear to be not ok anymore. I’ve given this a second shot (second and a half actually, haha!) and if God doesn’t will it to be then so be it. And I have promised myself that I wouldn’t feel so bad about it. That this is how things will be and this is going to be what’s best. I’ve given it a chance, I’ve given him a chance and if he doesn’t want to work it out then to hell with him. Haha. I can live my life without him, thank you very much.
But life would indeed be much better with him around. That’s if he decides to stick around.
If he won’t, why waste my time wondering why?
I’ve told some things to a few friends about relationships and I plan on not eating those words. All that shit about letting go because it isn’t meant to be will take effect in my story. I love myself now and take pride in these stands that I’ve taken. I only have to keep reminding myself that I’ve done everything that I could, ever since the very beginning and if that isn’t enough, then maybe it’s time to let go and to let God. I know he has plans for me, far greater than what I am going through right now. If there’s someone I trust, it’s Him. For I am sure of His love for me. That His love is genuine and selfless and that love is forever. On that alone, I must learn to be content.
I don’t know how but all these just instantaneously come out from my thoughts. He will help me get through all this, may it be what I desire or what I dread, I trust that He will never forsake me.
Though I keep wondering right now if I should do this or do that, a little voice inside my head tells me that if God wills it, it will happen. I think I’ve very well done my part. And from what I feel right now, I know that God is already pleased with that.
So right now I am acting exactly as I should. If it means it’s off, then it’s off for now.
An hour ago, I’ve even imagined what I’d do if this OFF becomes indefinite, or rather, forever. And the scenario that came to my mind was me being calm about it. Being totally fine. Knowing that this is how God intended it to be because He has greater plans for me.
If you are NOT the one for me, I have no need to be in pain. God is preparing that special someone for me, as I am being prepared for that someone. Haha, I sound like a hopeless romantic. But really. I believe in that.
If you ARE the one for me, at least right now, then I will be glad. Even if trials shall come ahead of us, I will not fret, for we have God’s blessing.
One thing I have promised to God and to myself, I will never do anything to make my mom ashamed of me. I won’t ask a man to love me and keep me. Ever. If he is the one, he will choose to, and he will never ever regret or doubt it.
p.s. for my great friend: It feels good to talk to someone and hear them pour out everything to you. it feels really really good. I love talking with you. honestly and walang malisya. Thanks. This is therapy for me, more than it is for you :D
posted by anna at
5:59 PM
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