crappy crappy life

all that shit i've been talking about - balance? that's all crap. CRAP! haha!

i think i'm taking a turn for the worst. personally. i'm growing to be somebody i'm not proud to be. haha maybe growing is not the right term. i guess i'm turning into someone i don't really want to be.

don't get me wrong. i'm thankful for the blessings i do get. i'm happy about my work, about my teaching, about my studying, about finishing that dratted thesis, about my decision to stick with, and stick up for, Kit...

but inside, it's all jumbled up. i'm all jumbled up. like i just want the world to stop for a moment... or that i want to escape... far away...

i don't know why. i just want to be not me - even for just a day. to not think about what i always think about, to not do what i usually do, or even what i can do...

haha, it's just like when i was in high school and i wanted to be a psycho, living in my own world and imagining my own reality...

yeah, sometimes i think i really am psycho... ;)

i blame 2 people:
- one left when i needed him the most
- the other is too attached, it's choking me...

of course i don't really blame you, mom and dad... i just want to point fingers... haha!

gawd, i really am turning psycho... if you're freaked out, hell, i don't need you in my life!