calm but still confused

no longer am i the sobbing blubbering inconsolable girl of yesterday.

my mind is not spinning with a thousand reasons or explanations anymore as to why things happen... or why things just don't happen... even if i know that they could have happened, if only this or if only that...

i'm trying to not think about these things anymore... but one thing that is now certain to me is that: i can't be with someone who doesn't even try to understand me, or what i've been going through, especially when he could've prevented such circumstances to happen...

i can't be with someone who thinks everything is just fine, that nothing's wrong, when clearly, nothing is alright.

the past few days, i went through so much stress, that half of the things i do, i do in a daze, especially ones that concern my deepest feelings and fears. and i was under the premise that he knew that, and that he understood that. apparently, he didn't. too bad, right? the one person you thought would be there and would understand you - just doesn't get it.

no matter how many times you tried to make them understand...

no matter how many times you pleaded them to listen...

i can't be with someone who makes me feel this way. that's just it. i can't be with someone who makes me feel these bad jumbled feelings that just drag me down lower. hell, Stress treats me so much better than he does right now (that ain't an exagerration!)

i missed his call this morning. in fact, i think i've missed his calls four times in a row now... and i owe it to fate...
maybe we were meant to misunderstand each other...
we were meant to not fix this...
we were meant to not even try...
we were meant to not be...

i just feel so hurt right now, that i don't want us to be anymore.

he could have done something... i wanted him to do something, anything... except for the way he treated me...

but yeah, i still wonder... if only...