when in so much pain, is it better to give up?

i have realized that i really have lost my best friend... i think i've lost this person for quite some time now, i was just in denial. ive lost that someone who would understand me no matter what, who will be there for me, and accept my weirdness and idiosyncrasies - who will love me in spite of all that.

today i cried my heart out. and now, i've accepted how things can never be the same. i don't want things to ever be the same, in fact. i was holding on to a promise. but not anymore.

not anymore.

i vow to no longer be affected by the things i can never have. no longer work towards something that i know will never change...

instead, it is better to work towards making my life better, happier, along with the people who i know will stick to their word...

(just like a friend, who, inspite of an ongoing date with a special someone, took the time to be there for me. :D thank you for making a difference for me today. kahit wala ka namang nasabi of extreme importance, i appreciate you welcoming me and the way i barged in... the comforting words and hug calmed me, and made me think about what to do next.)

things didnt quite work out well for me, i never imagined i'd get to this point when i'd give up. but it has come to this. and although the love i have is great, there comes a point when one realizes when one can't take all the hurt anymore... i can't take the hurt anymore. unintentional as it maybe...

you know what? i just wanted someone who will make an effort to make me happy in spite of the distance. someone who will share their adventures with me, take me along the ride, even if we're miles apart... someone who won't make me feel like a creep just because i took desperate measures because i missed them so much.

i will bury my feelings deep down. no matter how hard it may be.

because i can't love someone who makes me feel that way, especially when i thought that person will understand where im coming from... after all, this person had been my best friend, right?

or so i thought...