haunted

sometimes... i keep thinking...

what if i chose differently?

what if i was able to let go? would it have been much easier?

there are times when i want out... but then, i see him, and i remember us... and i feel happy thinking about that, and about what lies ahead...

i have so much faith, and hope, and love...

but.

i am haunted by ghosts of Phoenix past... and i keep thinking if this torture is worth it.

i don't know how long i'll get over it.

honestly, i haven't completely gotten over the one before that... more like, 94% over... and then this one comes, and of course that throws the 94% off course :( yeah, sad, isn't it?

no matter how much i try to control my thoughts, these somehow get the best of me. no matter how much i try to block them out, they push their way through...

what's so ironic about this? i haven't done a thing, and yet, i carry the burden :( sometimes, that's how i feel...

i guess this is his burden. dealing with how i am right now.

if he breaks, then he'll make it easy for both of us now, won't he?

but is the easy way out, the best way out?

i hope not.