random thoughts of a semi-insane albeit charming little girl...

Wednesday, September 27

like a balloon waiting to burst

Ge and i had a lot to talk about last night.

Of course he took up much of the "airtime", but it made me think about my own situation as well...

To cut it short, I've been telling him that although there is that proactive, aggressive way to do things (or like you want to do everything right, or to try and have the best because you're entitled to it), sometimes that won't result to a good thing... that you end up hurting more people, or hurting yourself more... that sometimes, it's just better to accept things as they are, to try and just change your outlook of things, be positive about it, stay humble and content, just find a way for things to be bearable enough...

that's what i've been doing.

to stay as i am.

be optimistic.

settle.

because i fear that if i try and grab a bigger slice off the cake of life, i'd end up losing everything else because i was too "greedy"...

almost all my life, i have been trying to fight against the ideals of "going for what i think i deserve", because in reality, who's to know what one really deserves? i mean, yes, in general, we deserve to be treated well, to be respected, etc etc... but in the more specific scheme of things, no one can really tell...

and so here i am: pleasant, nice, caring, charming even ;) ready to spread sunshine, hugs and love...

all those other thoughts pushed far back into the back of my head...

and i know - that soon - they will try to push their way through

and i will be like a balloon just waiting to burst.

and as if that wasn't enough, you'd be reduced to a million tiny pieces, and who knows if you'll be able to put yourself back together again...

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...

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