emo

i wish i could put it all so well into words like this guy does: x-boyfriend

but im not that brave to put it all out there for everyone to see and mock.
just that, whatever goes for this guy, goes triple for me. Cause, if he isn't emo, then i am. I AM EMO. and i hate it.
i wish i could just lie there and NOT think.
i wish i could just work here and NOT let my mind drift elsewhere.
i wish i could truly be bitter and fucked up, to get drunk and wasted and be an ass or a bitch and have the capacity to hurt other people as much as i am hurting.

but then that would all be in vain.
cause the people you want to care, just wont care.
and you dont want to care that they dont care that you care.

excerpts....
"In love, you brace yourself to give everything. And everything takes you by force, and never by choice. You never notice how much it’s taken, and you never recount how much you’ve given. And before you know it, she is your whole day, and your whole life. Just as it is for the alcoholic. The addict. The heartbroken. And when she leaves you, well, everything is taken along with her....

So I’ve been told that’s it’s wrong to give so fucking much. But if love really meant everything, would you expect yourself to give anything less?

So one learns that the only way to love as much as you want, is ironically, to love less than you need...

But in reality, I was never putting up with anything. I loved her, and I still do, and you never put up with who you love... "

Give me a really good swear word.