blah.
i've tried several times already to compose my thoughts but i cant seem to form a coherent thought.

so maybe instead of pouring out my thoughts, i could pour out my feelings...

i am tired. and stressed. but still, luckily, i haven't let it beat me yet. here i am, with 2 hours of sleep, fighting off the need to slump in my chair and doze off just so i can do something productive with my time: work, quality time with friends and loved ones, "pay it forward" to the people in gt...

i am disappointed. with myself, with people i care about, with people who tell me they would back me up... but then you cant be disappointed for long and so you try to understand still, even if you really can't. you try to justify their actions, because you cant stand to be disappointed any longer.

i am fearful of what lies ahead. will i be able to meet what is expected from me? most important of all, will i be able to meet what i expect from myself?

i am doubtful of my own potential. there are a lot of "if __ then why am i __" questions in my head.

my mind is a jumble of feelings - haha, not thoughts. im quite tired of trying to rationalize every bloody detail in my life.

truth is, i just want to lie in bed, and stare at the blank ceiling...