today my life will change forever... ata...
this was my YM status kanina. hehe.
kasi totoo. i have made a decsion that will change my life. pero i know that this change is necessary for me to be a better person. to be happier, in a way.
And even if it means letting go of an essential part of my life, it doesn't mean i have lost it. it just means i am learning to truly live my life the way God wants me to.
Yes, after a long time, i have finally decided to just offer it up to God.
Offer it all to Him, and stop rationalizing or being a freak about everything.
Let go and Let God.
I think when i first said that to him, it referred to the problems that weighed him down. it is just now that i realized that maybe it was God who made me speak those words kasi they provided a completely different meaning dapat.
It's amazing na we both prayed for it. and God has both led us to a path na, kahit hindi ung gusto talaga namin, at this point, that is where we will be happy.
And i am so very happy kasi we are still the best of friends. nothing can ever change that.
i am happy to say na, completely, no regrets. we still love each other. and maybe someday, we would both be ready and strong enough to nourish that love.
but right now, we both have to nourish our own selves.
on my part, i have to "nourish" my relationship with God and my family and friends.
things did work out for us... and i know that this is not the end. but a beginning.
teka, tama na nga ang pag-philosophize ko...
let me share something lily emailed me. mahaba pero, some parts i totally agree with, though not entirely. basta im glad that i feel no bitterness and that i can say that i am not anymore hopefool, but hopeful. :D the best thing about all this, is that for a very long time, i actually felt that all this is in God's plan.
o eto na nga yung mail :D
DISCLAIMER: this is not my experience ha?! ;) i did not write this! hehehe. kasi masmaganda ang nangyari sa ken, and at the same time, masmalala. hehe. and nga pala. there is such a thing as mutual break-ups :D
We broke up today. Early morning, first thing we did when we woke up. I should've seen it coming. I should've trusted my instincts. I should've asked the questions lingering in my mind, because they were important questions. It doesn't even matter anymore who ended it. Well, he did. But it doesn't matter, not to us, we know better than that. He said I deserved more. I already knew that, long ago. And I wanted to tell him then, but I couldn't find the moment. I know I deserve more, but I simply thought I deserved more of him, not more than him.I loved the guy. I still do. He's a good person,albeit with a lot of faults. I thought I could help him go through with it, help him fix himself and be better because of his mistakes. I realize I shouldn't have played Messiah. I can't go on saving someone who doesn't want to be saved.I love him. Nothing hurts more. He was my first. My ultimate first, in many aspects. First love. First kiss. First real time I let my defenses down. First time I let someone in. First time I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. First heartbreak. Strangely enough, I feel okay. I don't know why exactly. We talked for two hours about this, and I was bawling my eyes out, but in the end we were laughing. We're friends, after all. I just wish we could've been friends for much longer, and grown together in that way, too. Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe I could have spared myself the pain if I had been more truthful with myself, if I had not led myself on to believe that it would work out despite everything that told me it would not. My friend told me the other night, "Tapusin mo na yan. Okay na, nakatikim ka na, tama na muna." I said to him, "Eh pano yun, mahal ko siya eh." Now I know loving someone does not make things right. It's true what they say, sometimes love isn't enough. If he calls me, I probably won't turn him away. If he texts, I'd probably reply. Because I don't want to go through with this with hatred in my heart. The five months we shared were the best,and maybe the worst, too. Either way, I will treasure those times, because in those months that we had, and in the year we had known each other, I learned how to love. I learned how to love unconditionally. I learned how to hurt, and how to forgive. Things are not going to be the same. every day,every time I pass by the building where we had spent our summer, every cab ride I take, every shop and restaurant I would go to, I will remember; it is something I will take with me forever. I don't want to look back and cry. I know I will from time to time, but the time will come when I will look back and smile. I want that time to start soon. Paulo Coelho was right when he said "when you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it."
Whoever said it was right we he/she said that "anything less than mad, passionate extraordinary love is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with, and love shouldn't be one of them."
Coelho might also be right when he said that there are signs. And that we should follow them.But my friend was right, too, when she said we choose the signs that we follow. I guess I just made the wrong choices. Over and over again.
He was right when he said we simply have to want it. But he should've said that to himself, too. It's difficult when only one of two people wants it, and is led to believe that that feeling is being reciprocated.I realize I am not a shepherd looking out for my sheep. I can't forever guide other people to where they want or should be going.
He's probably right, he doesn't deserve me.Because I have been one hell of a good girlfriend, I know this much. He knows it, too. I guess it's a good thing that he ended it,rather than me. I'm not really good at letting go. I always hang on to the possibility that things will work out, that we would go through it together, that no matter how loose the
thread, the thread exists, and it's worth holding on to.
He said that, by the way, going through it together. He said we would endure, that it would be forever.Obviously, I can't say that now. The five months we shared are over. But he will always be my honey, forever. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pinning, nor have I false hopes. But he is that,my honey, just as I am his.
:D kung friend kita, u'll know which parts are true for me and which are not. :D o, ung mga nagkakalat ng tsismis jan, no jumping to conclusions, ah! :D
kasi totoo. i have made a decsion that will change my life. pero i know that this change is necessary for me to be a better person. to be happier, in a way.
And even if it means letting go of an essential part of my life, it doesn't mean i have lost it. it just means i am learning to truly live my life the way God wants me to.
Yes, after a long time, i have finally decided to just offer it up to God.
Offer it all to Him, and stop rationalizing or being a freak about everything.
Let go and Let God.
I think when i first said that to him, it referred to the problems that weighed him down. it is just now that i realized that maybe it was God who made me speak those words kasi they provided a completely different meaning dapat.
It's amazing na we both prayed for it. and God has both led us to a path na, kahit hindi ung gusto talaga namin, at this point, that is where we will be happy.
And i am so very happy kasi we are still the best of friends. nothing can ever change that.
i am happy to say na, completely, no regrets. we still love each other. and maybe someday, we would both be ready and strong enough to nourish that love.
but right now, we both have to nourish our own selves.
on my part, i have to "nourish" my relationship with God and my family and friends.
things did work out for us... and i know that this is not the end. but a beginning.
teka, tama na nga ang pag-philosophize ko...
let me share something lily emailed me. mahaba pero, some parts i totally agree with, though not entirely. basta im glad that i feel no bitterness and that i can say that i am not anymore hopefool, but hopeful. :D the best thing about all this, is that for a very long time, i actually felt that all this is in God's plan.
o eto na nga yung mail :D
DISCLAIMER: this is not my experience ha?! ;) i did not write this! hehehe. kasi masmaganda ang nangyari sa ken, and at the same time, masmalala. hehe. and nga pala. there is such a thing as mutual break-ups :D
We broke up today. Early morning, first thing we did when we woke up. I should've seen it coming. I should've trusted my instincts. I should've asked the questions lingering in my mind, because they were important questions. It doesn't even matter anymore who ended it. Well, he did. But it doesn't matter, not to us, we know better than that. He said I deserved more. I already knew that, long ago. And I wanted to tell him then, but I couldn't find the moment. I know I deserve more, but I simply thought I deserved more of him, not more than him.I loved the guy. I still do. He's a good person,albeit with a lot of faults. I thought I could help him go through with it, help him fix himself and be better because of his mistakes. I realize I shouldn't have played Messiah. I can't go on saving someone who doesn't want to be saved.I love him. Nothing hurts more. He was my first. My ultimate first, in many aspects. First love. First kiss. First real time I let my defenses down. First time I let someone in. First time I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. First heartbreak. Strangely enough, I feel okay. I don't know why exactly. We talked for two hours about this, and I was bawling my eyes out, but in the end we were laughing. We're friends, after all. I just wish we could've been friends for much longer, and grown together in that way, too. Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe I could have spared myself the pain if I had been more truthful with myself, if I had not led myself on to believe that it would work out despite everything that told me it would not. My friend told me the other night, "Tapusin mo na yan. Okay na, nakatikim ka na, tama na muna." I said to him, "Eh pano yun, mahal ko siya eh." Now I know loving someone does not make things right. It's true what they say, sometimes love isn't enough. If he calls me, I probably won't turn him away. If he texts, I'd probably reply. Because I don't want to go through with this with hatred in my heart. The five months we shared were the best,and maybe the worst, too. Either way, I will treasure those times, because in those months that we had, and in the year we had known each other, I learned how to love. I learned how to love unconditionally. I learned how to hurt, and how to forgive. Things are not going to be the same. every day,every time I pass by the building where we had spent our summer, every cab ride I take, every shop and restaurant I would go to, I will remember; it is something I will take with me forever. I don't want to look back and cry. I know I will from time to time, but the time will come when I will look back and smile. I want that time to start soon. Paulo Coelho was right when he said "when you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it."
Whoever said it was right we he/she said that "anything less than mad, passionate extraordinary love is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with, and love shouldn't be one of them."
Coelho might also be right when he said that there are signs. And that we should follow them.But my friend was right, too, when she said we choose the signs that we follow. I guess I just made the wrong choices. Over and over again.
He was right when he said we simply have to want it. But he should've said that to himself, too. It's difficult when only one of two people wants it, and is led to believe that that feeling is being reciprocated.I realize I am not a shepherd looking out for my sheep. I can't forever guide other people to where they want or should be going.
He's probably right, he doesn't deserve me.Because I have been one hell of a good girlfriend, I know this much. He knows it, too. I guess it's a good thing that he ended it,rather than me. I'm not really good at letting go. I always hang on to the possibility that things will work out, that we would go through it together, that no matter how loose the
thread, the thread exists, and it's worth holding on to.
He said that, by the way, going through it together. He said we would endure, that it would be forever.Obviously, I can't say that now. The five months we shared are over. But he will always be my honey, forever. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pinning, nor have I false hopes. But he is that,my honey, just as I am his.
:D kung friend kita, u'll know which parts are true for me and which are not. :D o, ung mga nagkakalat ng tsismis jan, no jumping to conclusions, ah! :D
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