disappointment
it's a rather depressing feeling really.
i know that disappointment only happens when you are seeking some kind of result or quality or just simply expecting that this is how it should be. but is it really so wrong to set up that standard? is it so damn wrong to fix some sort of level and wish that this point could be met?
it's hard enough to feel disappointed, it's even harder to express it.
afer all, whoever felt wonderful after knowing you have been a disappointment?
this has been a BIG issue with me and my mom since every chance that she has, she ticks off the number of times i have been a disappointment. of course, she doesnt really mean it, she just sees this as a means for me to challenge myself and to be stronger, just as how she faced it. demented isnt it? because it clearly doesnt work for me. i act all rebellious and wounded everytime she does that. but still, we both never learn. haha, stubborn that we are. it's just her way of loving me, so she says. as the saying goes, what doesnt kill us, makes us stronger. yikes!
but then actually, that isnt the issue. i mean, me being the disappointment is not the issue. the issue is how i am disappointed...
im sad with the fact that i can feel disappointment. because i know that i really dont have the right to be disappointed, with me being a disappointment, but in reality, i know that i deserve this much... which is really a small thing to ask for. i mean, what im asking for isnt that hard. and i know because i am able to do it. am i being self-righteous now?
sheesh, i dont really know where this is going, but i just wanted to vent out this small air of frustration before it blows up.
if there was a way to make all of that disappointment stop, when do you decide to end it?
should you even think of ending it?
or should you simply be lowering your standards?
or should you simply do the same and quit whining? just get even?
or should you forget about those expectations altogether?
jeez, such big questions, when in truth, all i wanted was just a phone call...
one bloody phone call...
i know that disappointment only happens when you are seeking some kind of result or quality or just simply expecting that this is how it should be. but is it really so wrong to set up that standard? is it so damn wrong to fix some sort of level and wish that this point could be met?
it's hard enough to feel disappointed, it's even harder to express it.
afer all, whoever felt wonderful after knowing you have been a disappointment?
this has been a BIG issue with me and my mom since every chance that she has, she ticks off the number of times i have been a disappointment. of course, she doesnt really mean it, she just sees this as a means for me to challenge myself and to be stronger, just as how she faced it. demented isnt it? because it clearly doesnt work for me. i act all rebellious and wounded everytime she does that. but still, we both never learn. haha, stubborn that we are. it's just her way of loving me, so she says. as the saying goes, what doesnt kill us, makes us stronger. yikes!
but then actually, that isnt the issue. i mean, me being the disappointment is not the issue. the issue is how i am disappointed...
im sad with the fact that i can feel disappointment. because i know that i really dont have the right to be disappointed, with me being a disappointment, but in reality, i know that i deserve this much... which is really a small thing to ask for. i mean, what im asking for isnt that hard. and i know because i am able to do it. am i being self-righteous now?
sheesh, i dont really know where this is going, but i just wanted to vent out this small air of frustration before it blows up.
if there was a way to make all of that disappointment stop, when do you decide to end it?
should you even think of ending it?
or should you simply be lowering your standards?
or should you simply do the same and quit whining? just get even?
or should you forget about those expectations altogether?
jeez, such big questions, when in truth, all i wanted was just a phone call...
one bloody phone call...
posted by anna at
12:31 AM
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