random thoughts of a semi-insane albeit charming little girl...

i've moved

2008-03-29T20:47:00.002+08:00

i just remembered that i haven't posted that i've already moved to multiply.

where posting journal entries, pictures, music and videos are so much easier - plus it's got that network thing going on...

just in case someone drops in, i've migrated to:

http://annauk.multiply.com

it was the BEST Christmas party evahhh!!!

2006-12-08T20:03:00.000+08:00

will keep this short, but i just wanna say thanks to the greatest krISSmas party committee ever!

will post pictures soon!

*i was dressed as a girl scout... a very cute little girl scout... bwahahah!!!

** i won a 3 cubic feet refrigerator!!! wheee!!!

an open letter

2006-12-04T01:50:00.000+08:00

ok, i dont really know how this goes but...
you have openly shared your feelings to the public (friendster blogger eh?) about how you feel about MY boyfriend. unfortunately, i have chanced upon that site, and may i just say, even if i also feel that you are a nice and good-natured person, you have gotten out of hand.
yes, Kit and i have gone through a rough time, and sorry to disappoint you, but it had NOTHING to do with you. Kit is just, as you said, really nice and i hope you don't read too much out of his politeness.
i think that you have gone too far... far as bitching to him, as if he owes you time or whatever... even if this is not upsetting Kit, it is upsetting me, because you are making it appear as if he is even flirting with the idea that he wants to be with you.
let me clear it up to you that we are still together, stronger than ever, and i owe all that to his supreme effort in making things work, showing me that i should not feel threatened at all that someone or something will come between us. i am quite confident that Kit will do nothing to hurt me, or make me feel that i shouldn't have trusted him.
yes, NO answer is definitely THE answer.
i am sorry. i just had to let this out. i do hope you find the happiness you deserve, you find that person who will make you feel like a princess...
i am sorry, but this prince is taken... and i hope you would sincerely respect that.
Kit has proven that he is once again worthy of my trust (and i am welcomed with open arms by his family), so please... swing your deviance some place else, and realize that infatuation is unhealthy.
Don't use the L word on him... because you have absolutely NO idea of what it takes to actually, completely and unconditionally, love this person... just... leave him - leave us... in peace.
*sorry if this is harsh... i just... wanted to rant... this is my space on the web after all, right?

I'd Still Say Yes

2006-12-04T01:43:00.000+08:00

I love you most when we share a place
Those special good times together
It seems like our love can't get much better, no
Cuz we were as close as two could be
We knew love would last forever
We're more than just lovers, we're good friends

And even if our love
Could drift away
I wouldn't even think twice
If I wanted love back again

Because I'd still say yes to you again
My darling for you I'd do it all again
Yes I'd still say yes to you again
Darling for you
I'd do it over and over again
To you ya know I'll say yes
Oh my darling, oh my darling only for you

Where does it go, how does it end
True love it seems so easy
'Cuz we have no doubts
Where we belong, where we belong
They say time can heal a broken heart
And true love never ends
So why not start where we began

Because I'd still say yes to you again
My darling for you I'd do it all again
Yes I'd still say yes to you again
Darling for you I'd do it over and over again

prayer

2006-12-01T00:27:00.000+08:00

i never want this fragile moment of magic to end...

please let it last...

*i'm sorry if i've been so negative lately... i've just been very afraid...
will you hold my hand?

it all comes down to this

2006-11-30T17:17:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU

and for now, we'll both have to keep remembering that.

i'll hang on to what you said that i shouldn't be threatened.

and i am praying that, soon, everything will fall into place, and things will be okay again...

SMILE.

right now

2006-11-06T15:28:00.000+08:00

i actually feel...

like i can just...

walk.

away.

slowly. walk. away.

i need my bestfriend

2006-11-04T20:48:00.000+08:00

right now, i just need someone to talk to. who will listen. who will affirm my worth. who won't pass judgment for everything i say. who will try to comfort me. who will put my best interests first, for the mean time.

someone who will smile and say "everything will be alright"... even if there's no guarantee to that... because that someone will try to make everything alright... at least, for the next 30 minutes or so... until im calm, until im okay again, until ive put myself together again...

thizizit!!!

2006-10-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

the ball's in your court now, baby...

it's all you now, all you...

good luck!

quotable quote

2006-10-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build till the end."

haunted

2006-10-20T21:28:00.000+08:00

sometimes... i keep thinking...

what if i chose differently?

what if i was able to let go? would it have been much easier?

there are times when i want out... but then, i see him, and i remember us... and i feel happy thinking about that, and about what lies ahead...

i have so much faith, and hope, and love...

but.

i am haunted by ghosts of Phoenix past... and i keep thinking if this torture is worth it.

i don't know how long i'll get over it.

honestly, i haven't completely gotten over the one before that... more like, 94% over... and then this one comes, and of course that throws the 94% off course :( yeah, sad, isn't it?

no matter how much i try to control my thoughts, these somehow get the best of me. no matter how much i try to block them out, they push their way through...

what's so ironic about this? i haven't done a thing, and yet, i carry the burden :( sometimes, that's how i feel...

i guess this is his burden. dealing with how i am right now.

if he breaks, then he'll make it easy for both of us now, won't he?

but is the easy way out, the best way out?

i hope not.

on a scale of 1 to 10

2006-10-20T08:26:00.000+08:00

how important is:

Compatibility
.
.
.
Being there for each other - no matter what... and i mean, no matter how tired, sleep-deprived, depressed, stuck-in-traffic or cranky you are
.
.
.
Self-sacrifice for the other's happiness
.
.
.
Romance
.
.
.
Support
.
.
.
Financial stability
.
.
.
Open and honest communication
.
.
.
Constant communication
.
.
.
Optimism
.
.
.
Intelligence
.
.
.
Against-all-odds kind of love
.
.
.
Being able to really understand... or at least, really tries to
.
.
.
Maturity
.
.
.
Patience
.
.
.
Ambition
.
.
.
Cuddling (or lambingan, for a better scope)
.
.
.
Kindness of heart
.
.
.
Being religious
.
.
.
Cooperation
.
.
.
Trust?

looking for the guy who will really mean it when he sings this song to me

2006-10-19T13:22:00.000+08:00

Stick Around

by Azure

How many times do I daydream
About making love to you
I'll take you to a special place
Where it's only me and you
I'll put away all your troubles
On the other side of the world
And wrap my arms around you, hon
And tell you you're my girl
(So let's go sail away in the night)
And we'll go far away from here
(To a place where our love is right)
Can I take you to my world?

Chorus
Whenever you're sad
Whenever you're crying
I'll be the one who wipes away your tears
Whenever you're cold
Whenever you need me
I'll be the one who runs to you
And give you my love
Will you know how much I love you
So you better not let me down
I'm not asking for too much
Baby, just stick around

A quiet day in the country
Or a rainy night in my room
We'll hide away into the sheets
If the morning comes too soon
An afternoon in your eyes
Or a lifetime in your heart
Forever just ain't long enough
But at least it's a good start
(Falling deeper in love with you)
Will you be there to catch me girl?
(I hope your falling deep with me too)
Can I keep you in my world?

Chorus

Forever, forever
Ooh.. would you come on baby
(let's go sail away in the night)
And we'll go far away from here
(Tell you that's where our love is right)
Ooh..

Cause, whenever you're sad
Whenever you're crying
I'll be the one who wipes away your tears
Whenever you call me
Whenever you need me
I'm gonna be right there for you and give you my love
Yeah, and you know how much I love you
So you better not let me down
I'm not asking for too much, baby
Just stick around
Forever, forever

from Veronica Mars

2006-10-17T13:12:00.000+08:00

"The hero is the one that stays... while the villain is the one that splits."

By the way, I sooo heart Logan Echolls :)

*things are a bit hazy in the love department. TRUST gets tested over and over again, and yet, LOVE is so much stronger. I swear this is the ultimate last shot. Let me bleed to death if I stand in the way of the bullet again.*

Dan Campilan's unlikely antidote to teargas

2006-10-12T12:10:00.000+08:00

As a Bombo Radyo reporter covering the Edsa Tres May 1 riot, he was blinded by the teargas but found an instant, unlikely antidote: "Para mawala ang anghang sa mata, dinakot ko yung ice cream na tinitinda nung mama sa Mendiola at pinanghilamos. Nagsunuran na rin yung iba. Sorry manong, but you saved my life."
- Howie Severino

now, i know what to look for if i become victim to a teargas explosion...

May he rest in peace...

stuck

2006-10-08T02:23:00.000+08:00

i can't go home yet.

yeah it's crazy. it's 2am, a Saturday (oops, Sunday na pala), and i'm stuck in the office. apparently, the elevators are being fixed or something, so i can't go down yet. good thing i'm not alone, Mark's here as well... to be stuck here with anyone is good period. wouldn't want to hear those weird noises and be unable to run away if i want to... nyahaha...

me stuck at the office.

now you ask, why the hell am i at the office at this day and time? well, i needed fast internet access while doing stuff for my class on Monday (which includes drafting their 2nd quarter exam)...

ok. so that's an excuse.
truth is - i don't want to go home yet.
because... my mom is there.

sigh. we just don't get along anymore! she is too domineering, and wants to rule over my life... and the minute she sees me lounging around, or having fun, she freaks out. seriously.
she sees me watching DVDs, she'll tell me i have to clean my room (which, by the way, she already cleaned after i told her not to because i don't want anyone else moving my stuff...)
she sees me resting, she'll tell me to get off my butt and exercise.
she sees me reading, she'll tell me to sort through my stuff to figure out which can be given away.

and there's the whole she-just-can't-let-it-go-that-i-am-all-grown-up-now and that i'd rather make my own decisions without her hovering around me, and yeah, she's went through all that stuff already, but come on, i wanna make my own mistakes too... besides, i'm not stupid enough to commit the usual mistakes...

when she starts talking, she can go on and on... and if i did something wrong or something she doesn't like, she can go for, like, 2 hours chronicling every single thing i did wrong, or maybe relate this single unacceptable thing i did to me being some sort of her worst child nightmare.

me stuck with the mom who doesn't trust me, and doesn't want to let me go.

i guess there is one reason for her paranoia. it's this relationship i'm in.

true, i am having doubts about this relationship... but i have too much love that i just can't let go yet. and i'm afraid i'll be tortured by the "what ifs" if i do let go. haha.

as i've said, i feel that i've given so much, my pride just won't be able to take it if this is all there is to this relationship. well, maybe it's not pride... it's that big big hope that there is so much more to this...

i guess i'm waiting for that one big thing to make me pack my bags and say "adios" to this relationship.

ok, that didn't sound good haha... like i'm waiting for everything to explode before i get out of a time bomb... sometimes i do feel like that. but, well... even if it's hard to, i... trust. maybe not trust him completely, or myself even... more on - that i trust God will make everything fall into place... or that God planned it to be like this.

me stuck in this semi-heartbreaking, semi-heartbursting relationship.

heartbursting being totally positive hehe... i considered heartwarming - but that was too bland... heartbursting is like - your heart bursts with so much love and happiness...

of course heartbreaks happen too. the heart just breaks... and mends... and breaks... and mends... and i wonder how long this will go on?

how stuck am i?

no longer child's play

2006-10-03T14:31:00.000+08:00

again, i find myself at a loss...

what to feel.
what to do.
what to think.

the pressure of so much love for such a long time is weighing me down...

but the thought of that same love is lifting me up...

an emotional tug-of-war.

i don't know how much longer this will go on, but i want it to be over soon...

please let it be over soon.

The Parable of the Mung Beans

2006-09-29T12:54:00.000+08:00

This is a story about two housewives who each bought a sack of mung beans. The first housewife, eager to share her purchase with her family, prepared a soup dish consisting of mung beans, pork, and malunggay leaves. The second housewife wanted to use her purchase as dessert, so she made some moon cakes and used the mung beans as filling. Both of the housewives' families enjoyed the food very much, and because of this, the housewives felt good about themselves.

After eating the mung bean dishes, the housewives discovered that they still have a lot of uncooked mung beans left over. Looking around the house, they realized that there is little room where they can store the excess mung beans. The first housewife decided to keep the mung beans on a shelf, while the second housewife decided to keep the mung beans in the kitchen, right next to the other vegetables. Before storing the mung beans, both housewives decided to wash the beans, for they are afraid that these beans might get dirty and they do not know when they might use these beans again.

After seven days, the housewives decided to check on the mung beans, and to see if anything bad has happened to them. To their surprise, they saw little yellow sprouts instead of the little green beans that delighted their families' appetites one week ago.

"This is preposterous!" exclaimed the first housewife. "This is not the mung bean I first started with! Why, I washed the beans and put them in a safe place, and this is what I got! A ruined heap of maggot-colored vegetables!" And she continued to whine and to complain about the ruined mung beans.

The second housewife was equally unhappy about the situation. She did not want this to happen, for she had other mung bean dishes in mind that she wanted to try. There are a lot of vegetables in her kitchen, and the last thing she wanted is another vegetable to take up space in her already-crowded kitchen.

However, she decided to give the mung bean sprouts another chance. "This isn't what I wanted, but maybe something good will come out of it," she mused.

"Nothing good will come out of it," countered the first housewife. "We might as well accept the changes and get on with our lives. We still have other vegetables that we can use, no sense holding on to those ruined mung bean sprouts."

The second housewife did not want to give up that easily. For that evening's dinner, she tried to make vegetable spring rolls for her family and included the mung bean sprouts in the dish. Her family never tasted spring rolls like this before, and they sure did miss the mung bean dishes. But they realized that the spring rolls aren't that bad, they just tasted different.

The first housewife, still disappointed, did not want anything to do with the mung bean sprouts anymore. She made use of her usual vegetables for dinner. She reasoned out that the change is inevitable, but her family has to stand strong about it. She is thankful that there still are old familiar things to hold on to, not to mention new vegetables to venture on. There is no need to waste time over ruined mung bean sprouts, and because of this her family can move on and live a life without mung beans.

A month or two has passed over the two households. The first housewife has completely ignored the mung bean sprouts. Eventually, the mung bean sprouts withered and died. The sack of mung beans that once had potential now lay in waste, and was later thrown out to rot on the streets.

For the second housewife, the mung beans were still given attention. Now and then she would wash the sprouts, and use some of them for cooking. One day, while tending the mung bean sprouts, she was in for a surprise. The older and bigger sprouts bore seeds. "Oh my!" the second housewife exclaimed, "Who would've thought that the mung beans didn't leave me after all?"

And she harvested the mung beans from the sprouts and was able to cook the mung bean dishes she wanted to cook, ever since she first bought the sack of mung beans from the market.

- THE END -
Copyright 2006. Miriam Pugeda.

Fray - How to Save a Life

2006-09-27T21:10:00.000+08:00

Step one you say we need to talk

He walks you say sit down it's just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left and you stay right

Between the lines of fear and blame

And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best

Cause after all you do know best

Try to slip past his defense

Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong

The things you've told him all along

And pray to God he hears you

And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice

You lower yours and grant him one last choice

Drive until you lose the road

Or break with the ones you've followed

He will do one of two things

He will admit to everything

Or he'll say he's just not the same

And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

like a balloon waiting to burst

2006-09-27T20:06:00.000+08:00

Ge and i had a lot to talk about last night.

Of course he took up much of the "airtime", but it made me think about my own situation as well...

To cut it short, I've been telling him that although there is that proactive, aggressive way to do things (or like you want to do everything right, or to try and have the best because you're entitled to it), sometimes that won't result to a good thing... that you end up hurting more people, or hurting yourself more... that sometimes, it's just better to accept things as they are, to try and just change your outlook of things, be positive about it, stay humble and content, just find a way for things to be bearable enough...

that's what i've been doing.

to stay as i am.

be optimistic.

settle.

because i fear that if i try and grab a bigger slice off the cake of life, i'd end up losing everything else because i was too "greedy"...

almost all my life, i have been trying to fight against the ideals of "going for what i think i deserve", because in reality, who's to know what one really deserves? i mean, yes, in general, we deserve to be treated well, to be respected, etc etc... but in the more specific scheme of things, no one can really tell...

and so here i am: pleasant, nice, caring, charming even ;) ready to spread sunshine, hugs and love...

all those other thoughts pushed far back into the back of my head...

and i know - that soon - they will try to push their way through

and i will be like a balloon just waiting to burst.

and as if that wasn't enough, you'd be reduced to a million tiny pieces, and who knows if you'll be able to put yourself back together again...

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...

confusion

2006-09-26T20:02:00.000+08:00

i honestly don't know how i feel... or even how i'm supposed to feel...

it's like, i know what i want to feel, but no matter how hard i try to put certain feelings aside, or how much i try to block out certain thoughts, i just can't get to that point of feeling all good and -- just "okay" inside...

in all honesty, that's just how i want to feel. i want to be able to sit back, and think about all that has happened, and what i have now, and i just want to feel okay with it. i want to feel that i have indeed accepted everything that has happened, and i want to feel a hundred percent comfortable with being here...

with staying...

sometimes i do get that feeling that i want it to be over. that i don't want anything more, be it good or bad... i don't want the bad that may go with the good... cause it may outweigh the good... and i'd feel even worse, cause i'd regret it...

but i fear...

fear that i might lose all that good forever...

so right now... i'm still here... but i'm not sure if it's worth it... and i'm still not sure if he deserves it.

but i guess the bigger question is: do i deserve this?

sometimes i want to close this chapter of my life and move on... but the hope and faith that i have that things will get better is so much bigger than me, that i fail to give up...

but there are times when i wish i could... i wish i could just give up - and leave.

maybe...

just maybe...

there's still so much more to this... so much more to look forward to...

something that will make all the pain (and i mean all that fucking pain i wish i didn't have to feel) feel like nothing - even if i had to relive it my head... something that can make me say "it doesn't matter that - that happened, because i have this now", or "this has happened now..."

i can only hope.

i am praying so hard that all this optimism doesn't ruin in for me... because if it does - i'm going to turn into a jaded narcissistic selfish bitch... and no one wants that, right?

random thoughts from Grey's Anatomy

2006-09-11T11:29:00.000+08:00

Meredith: A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

Meredith: At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.

Meredith: Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

Meredith: Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.

Christina: if you want crappy things to stop happening to you then stop accepting them and demand more.

Meredith: I just need something to happen, I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope! And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed a feel like I'm going to die today.

George: I just can't tell you want you wanna hear. Which seems to be a theme in my life right now. Just because you can't say something doesn't mean you don't want to, you can want to very much. You can be with a person and be happy with them and not love them. And you can love somebody and not want to be with them. You don't need to love someone to want them. Now that's frustrating, when what your brain tells you you want and what you actually want don't match up. It's exhausting. And, well, it's complicated. But that's life. And life... sucks.

Mahal kong Maynilaaaa

2006-09-10T19:56:00.000+08:00

Manila was a blast! i had sooo much fun!!! the sights, the company, as well as the exercise really did me good.

View my photos at : http://annauk.multiply.com - i'll be uploading more photos later.

And what better way to end the day than to watch Sam Milby on the big screen?! haha! finally watched You are the One with bugs... it was sooo worth it! :)

Being in the company of a fellow "jologs" helped a lot too. Bugs and i ended the day talking about our unfortunate yuppie status, and how unfair our lives are. hehe... till our next jolog movie! cheers!

from shullah

2006-09-06T23:08:00.000+08:00

life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

so,

love the people who treat you right,
forget about the ones who don't,
and believe that everything happens for a reason.

know a good thing when you see it,
and don't let it slip away.

if you get a chance,
take it.

if it changes your life,
let it.

nobody said it would be easy,
they just said it would be worth it.

will upload this song in multiply later :)

2006-09-06T20:59:00.000+08:00

Sayang ang lahat
True Faith

Sayang ang lahat,
sayang ang lahat na naumpisahan
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba ganun ang nangyari

[refrain]
Ibinuhos ko'ng lahat
Sinugal ang bukas

[chorus]
Nakakahinayang
at nasayang din ang lahat
(nasayang ang lahat, nasayang ang lahat)
Nakakalungkot at 'di ko mapigil ang iyak
(nasayang ang lahat, nasayang ang lahat)
Binalewala ang pawis at luha, sayang

Sayang ang lahat
akala ko ay maaasahan ka
Pagtuklas sa sarili
poot ng iyong pagkukunwari
binigay ko ang lahat
Inalay ko ang bukas (oh)

[bridge]
(Sayang) 'Di ko na mauulit pa
(Sayang) Ang pagtitiis at pagpakumbaba
Sayang
Sayang

AD LIB

[refrain]
Ibinuhos ko'ng lahat
Sinugal ang bukas (oh)

Oh, sayang
Sana nalaman mo kung gaano ka-sayang
Ooh
Sayang
Sayang
Sayang

wishful thinking

2006-09-06T16:23:00.000+08:00

"Never Say Goodbye" - Jojo (yep, i love jojo!i want to be jojo!)

Never been in love
Cause a girl like me
Never had someone to care for
Never thought there could be
Someone special for me
And now I'm all in love
Cause a girl like me
Waited patiently for someone
Someone to care for me
And there will never be

[CHORUS:]
No more lonely, no more just me
I've been there before
Ain't goin no more
And now that you're here I
Never wanna say goodbye love
Never wanna be without you
No more cryin, no denyin'
I'm in love with you
And now that you're here I
I never wanna say goodbye love

Now it's time for me
To find out what the first time love could mean
Little scared but its cool
Cause it's worth it
Now I finally fell in love
And I know that it's
Got to be for real (So real)
It's the way that I feel
So come share my world with me
So there will never be

[CHORUS]

So I'm standin here
Arms open wide
Ready to give my heart
I'm sure this time
Love's gonna last for life
Baby I know things change
And there might be some rain
But the clouds are gonna clear
And the sun is gonna shine again
Shine light on our love baby
So let's make it last forever

[CHORUS]

Da da da da da
Oh

Just - wishful thinking.

Iam shared this little tidbit

2006-09-04T11:35:00.000+08:00

Lord, grant me the wisdom to know when to hold on, when to let go, and when to move out in faith.

A Fairy Tale (when world's collide) - Plumb

2006-08-29T18:13:00.000+08:00

We never talked about it
Cause you never even cared
And what you really wanted
I never even had
Cause what may seem right
And what may be wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that itsnot enough
Theres nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us (I'm losing us)
When worlds collide

Together we seem perfect
Afairy tale for sure
And looking on the outside
You'd never even know
We're just not right
When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight
In thisplace we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that its not enough
There's nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us (I'm losing us)
When worlds collide

We're just not right
When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that it's not enough
Theres nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us (I'm losing us)
When worlds collide

(was singing this song in my head... i think my sub-conscious is quite conscious! hehe)

unsure

2006-08-29T16:13:00.000+08:00

yes, that's the word for me today.

so unsure.

so i'm going with the flow, and accepting whatever decision is going to be made. i've realized that i can't fight it, and maybe, sometimes, you just have to go with the flow and not be bitter about how unfair it all is... because maybe, just maybe, that will be for the best.

Ge says i might have turned numb already, and that saddens me. because i don't want to be numb. i want to feel. no matter how much the pain... but then, the past month has made me numb. not only with Kit, but with my mom, my dreams, my past, my God... :(

sigh. maybe this is just a defense mechanism at work.

really, all i want is my happily ever after, whatever that is :)

say hello to my new best friend

2006-08-25T15:44:00.000+08:00

I think i'll name it... Voltaire... heehee ;D i'll be legally owning it on Monday, and i cannot wait! :)

Cammie, meet Voltaire... I think they look perfect together... haha!

oh, don't forget Ashley, she wants to join the fun too!

hehe, so what if it's a mark of insanity to name your gadgets, i'm just so giddily happy! :D

My Nokia 3530 wants to join too, am not sure if i should still let him (hehe haven't gotten around to naming it, but yeah, it's definitely a guy) ...

no more fighting for

2006-08-23T11:40:00.000+08:00

when a decision has already been made for you, it's quite hard to accept when it's not in your favor.

from the trivial to the crucial:
like my bonus
like grades in school
like losing my dad
like seeing my wrapped lunch
like not being able to do the stuff i want cause stuff need to be done for other people
and like losing sleep because of that
like how to love
like what i get for my birthday... or for Christmas

unfair. really. but yeah, that's how life goes. the question is, are you going to let them do the decisions for you all the time?

so here is my stand. no more fighting. and no more fighting for.

let's all act nonchalant about it and just not care anymore. i can be unfeeling... well, i can try to be unfeeling... haha!

i dont want to be angry. but i wont be all smiley happy about it either.

i am so tired of the men in my life saying they will be there, and they just leave... or they dont try everything to hang on. (right now, this refers to five people in my life, living and dead. count 'em five!)

i can't be strong for all of us. i'm no superhero either.

crappy crappy life

2006-08-23T01:54:00.000+08:00

all that shit i've been talking about - balance? that's all crap. CRAP! haha!

i think i'm taking a turn for the worst. personally. i'm growing to be somebody i'm not proud to be. haha maybe growing is not the right term. i guess i'm turning into someone i don't really want to be.

don't get me wrong. i'm thankful for the blessings i do get. i'm happy about my work, about my teaching, about my studying, about finishing that dratted thesis, about my decision to stick with, and stick up for, Kit...

but inside, it's all jumbled up. i'm all jumbled up. like i just want the world to stop for a moment... or that i want to escape... far away...

i don't know why. i just want to be not me - even for just a day. to not think about what i always think about, to not do what i usually do, or even what i can do...

haha, it's just like when i was in high school and i wanted to be a psycho, living in my own world and imagining my own reality...

yeah, sometimes i think i really am psycho... ;)

i blame 2 people:
- one left when i needed him the most
- the other is too attached, it's choking me...

of course i don't really blame you, mom and dad... i just want to point fingers... haha!

gawd, i really am turning psycho... if you're freaked out, hell, i don't need you in my life!

blog+loud music=therapy

2006-08-22T17:42:00.000+08:00

this is a great song. sad, pero masaya pakinggan :)

BURNOUT - Sugarfree

O wag kang tumingin
ng ganyan sa kin
wag mo akong kulitin
wag mo akong tanungin

Dahil katulad mo
ako rin ay nagbago
di na tayo katulad ng dati
kay bilis ng sandali

O kay tagal kitang minahal

Kung iisipin mo
di naman dati ganito
teka muna teka lang
kailan tayo nailang

Kung iisipin mo
di naman dati ganito
kay bilis kasi ng buhay
pati tayo natangay

O kay tagal kitang minahal

Tinatawag kita
sinusuyo kita
di mo man marinig
di mo man madama

O kay tagal kitang mamahalin

tama na ang drama

2006-08-22T17:16:00.000+08:00

idaan na lang sa

tawa

halakhak!!!

yan ang defense mechanism at work ;)

another lesson on balance

2006-08-22T16:48:00.000+08:00

good:
- mama's thesis is over!!! she graduates end of this month! yey!
- submitted my student's grades for the 1st quarter! woohoo, a hurdle overcame!
- bonus bonus! :D
- new phone c/o Kuya Albert! thanks Kuya! :)

bad:
- i am literally shaking as i type this (i swear, if you i try to steady my hands, they won't kasi they're shaking) because i can't understand what the hell is going on. i let you in my life, all you had to do was ask if i was still alive... but you don't... and now it's just complicated? what!?!

i wish i wasn't so affected so much. but i am. because that's how i love. i give my all. i might be overly dramatic sometimes, super makulit, but i make amends, i apologize when im wrong, i try to understand as much as i can. i keep the lines open because i want this to work. and if it comes to a point that i see that you are giving in to this long distance thing we have, then it's harder to hold on, harder to have faith. but i still try. before, i even tried till i had no more respect for myself... but no more. if this is how it is for you (as you say, complicated), then let's not complicate things anymore. i don't want to complicate things for you further.

i have to know when to say enough. please teach me how to say enough... please teach me to not love someone who doesnt seem to love me enough... (although a tiny part of me is still praying that he does, he just doesn't know how to show it...)

BALANCE

2006-08-08T17:27:00.000+08:00

remember i talked about balance before?

GOOD:
Kit and I are okay now. I exagerrate, he underrates. i swear this opposites-attract thing is tricky haha! I hope that emotional roller coaster never happens again... or anytime soon anyway ;P

BAD (or rather things that i HAVE to do, that i dont' really want to)
- I'm stuck with doing my mom's thesis defense powerpoint
- Oh, as well as her revisions AFTER her defense
- Need to check 2 papers as well as 1 project EACH for my 48 students
- Oh, next week, i have to check their periodic exams as well...
- i have to make lesson plan #5 too :(
- i'm behind 2 companies for the benchmark reports at work
- that second project we have is mind boggling too... i, in particular, have to define 41 terms involving mergers, acquisitions and incorporations... brain frying in progress...
- i have no idea yet what needs to be done for my accounting and metres subjects, but we're nearing the middle of the sem so im guessing it'll be time for midterms soon
- i just bought season 1 and 2 of grey's anatomy and seasons 5-10 of FRIENDS. yeah, that's a GREAT thing, but i don't have time to watch them :( huhu...
- and my 101 things at home is in disarray and i don't have time to fix and clean up... so everytime i'm looking for something, it takes sooo long :(

gawd, so much to do, so very little time...

calm but still confused

2006-08-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

no longer am i the sobbing blubbering inconsolable girl of yesterday.

my mind is not spinning with a thousand reasons or explanations anymore as to why things happen... or why things just don't happen... even if i know that they could have happened, if only this or if only that...

i'm trying to not think about these things anymore... but one thing that is now certain to me is that: i can't be with someone who doesn't even try to understand me, or what i've been going through, especially when he could've prevented such circumstances to happen...

i can't be with someone who thinks everything is just fine, that nothing's wrong, when clearly, nothing is alright.

the past few days, i went through so much stress, that half of the things i do, i do in a daze, especially ones that concern my deepest feelings and fears. and i was under the premise that he knew that, and that he understood that. apparently, he didn't. too bad, right? the one person you thought would be there and would understand you - just doesn't get it.

no matter how many times you tried to make them understand...

no matter how many times you pleaded them to listen...

i can't be with someone who makes me feel this way. that's just it. i can't be with someone who makes me feel these bad jumbled feelings that just drag me down lower. hell, Stress treats me so much better than he does right now (that ain't an exagerration!)

i missed his call this morning. in fact, i think i've missed his calls four times in a row now... and i owe it to fate...
maybe we were meant to misunderstand each other...
we were meant to not fix this...
we were meant to not even try...
we were meant to not be...

i just feel so hurt right now, that i don't want us to be anymore.

he could have done something... i wanted him to do something, anything... except for the way he treated me...

but yeah, i still wonder... if only...

when in so much pain, is it better to give up?

2006-08-05T19:57:00.001+08:00

i have realized that i really have lost my best friend... i think i've lost this person for quite some time now, i was just in denial. ive lost that someone who would understand me no matter what, who will be there for me, and accept my weirdness and idiosyncrasies - who will love me in spite of all that.

today i cried my heart out. and now, i've accepted how things can never be the same. i don't want things to ever be the same, in fact. i was holding on to a promise. but not anymore.

not anymore.

i vow to no longer be affected by the things i can never have. no longer work towards something that i know will never change...

instead, it is better to work towards making my life better, happier, along with the people who i know will stick to their word...

(just like a friend, who, inspite of an ongoing date with a special someone, took the time to be there for me. :D thank you for making a difference for me today. kahit wala ka namang nasabi of extreme importance, i appreciate you welcoming me and the way i barged in... the comforting words and hug calmed me, and made me think about what to do next.)

things didnt quite work out well for me, i never imagined i'd get to this point when i'd give up. but it has come to this. and although the love i have is great, there comes a point when one realizes when one can't take all the hurt anymore... i can't take the hurt anymore. unintentional as it maybe...

you know what? i just wanted someone who will make an effort to make me happy in spite of the distance. someone who will share their adventures with me, take me along the ride, even if we're miles apart... someone who won't make me feel like a creep just because i took desperate measures because i missed them so much.

i will bury my feelings deep down. no matter how hard it may be.

because i can't love someone who makes me feel that way, especially when i thought that person will understand where im coming from... after all, this person had been my best friend, right?

or so i thought...

i want to sing this

2006-08-04T17:38:00.000+08:00

AMEL LARRIEUX
Make Me Whole

Darling I want you to listen
I stayed up all night, so I can get this thing right
And I don't think there's anything missing
Cause a person like you, made it easy to do
I've waited for so long, to sing to you this song

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

I think the angels are your brothers, yeah
They told you about me, said you're just what she needs
And I find myself thanking your mother
For giving birth to a saint
My spirit flies when I say your name
If there's one thing that's true
It's that I was born to love you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

You make my dreams
Come true over and, over again
And I honestly truly believe
You and me are written in the stars
I live my whole life through
To giving thanks to you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

----

Belated happy birthday, Kit! I hope we become happy... I just want us to be happy...

meet my new best friend

2006-07-31T22:06:00.000+08:00

i lost my best friend. well, it isnt like that person isnt there anymore, or that we said "you're not my best friend!" to each other. no drama (actually, it's just me who deals with all the drama, if ever there's any...) it ain't "poof! it's gone" either... more like a billow of smoke that is slowly disappearing into thin air...

i just felt that... well... let's just put it this way.

STRESS is my new best friend. Stress is always there for me, and stress accompanies me through everything im going through. stress is there to make me drink my coffee so that i wont fall asleep. Stress tells me all these things that are happening to me, they come crashing into me all at once, but it doesnt mean i let them bang me up against the wall and hurt me. Stress always tells me nothing has me beat yet, and it has to stay that way. stress is urging me to do the one thousand and one things i need to do, that i can not rest, i can not stop, even if i feel so wasted already, because i have to keep going on, because... people are expecting me to keep going on, to stay on top of everything else despite of lack of sleep and having all forms of happiness sucked out of my life.

sometimes i try to resist Stress, but then i cant. after all, Stress has always been there for me lately. Can i just tell him to quit being around? no, that would not be fair to Stress, not after being so supportive, with him urging me to push my limits... and push em further... and further...

i haven't collapsed yet, so i guess Stress does know best. either that or he's pushing me towards early retirement hehe...

i'm sad that i lost my other best friend. im not sure if things can go back to the way they used to. i'm not sure if he has Stress as his new best friend too, or maybe Freedom is. all i know is, i'm gonna hang on to Stress for a little while longer...

Being with Stress is my way to overcome missing him...
Too bad Stress doesn't like going to the movies or eating out :(

i thought the day would never come

2006-07-21T05:45:00.000+08:00

... that i would be a huge fan girl!!! haha!

much more... that i would actually see this object of obsession and salivation (hehe!) up close and maybe even personal!

oh my gulay! it's WOOKIE DAY!!!

i havent slept yet because of my mom's thesis (and, yes we had a fight again cos she wants me to stop my own world from spinning to keep hers spinning...), but i am just so psyched for this day, sleeping has gone from my vocabulary. what IS in my vocab right now is "freshen up", "be cute", "smile a lot", "adore Wookie"!!! haha!

i am going to see him, i am actually going to see him... i cant wipe this grin of my face, my face hurts.

oh, and as balance must happen, to add to the pain of my mom's thesis, i have a pimple in my chin, just when i'm meeting wookie. perfect! grr... oh well, i dont want to complain, im just so ecstatic!

after that, im going to a movie with ge, and tomorrow, i'll be attending that wedding planning seminar... oh, and have i made kwento that Mia already hired me to be her wedding coordinator?!? :D (her wedding is set June 2007)

there's just too many blessings, i hope i can do my end of the bargain.

can i just ask for a few more?
(1) nothing happens to my clothes
(2) if i get to have my picture taken with Wookie, that my smile be as dazzling as ever
(3) that i won't be late for Wookie
(4) that i learn to pronounce the Korean words i'll be practicing, and not make a fool of myself
(5) that my first fan girl experience would be a great one, and not the least bit traumatic... para i can be a fan girl again! haha!

Thank you, God. i know i don't say it often... and it's not just because of this... I love you po! ;D

WOOKIE IS COMING!

2006-07-18T16:13:00.000+08:00

The love of my life/ embodiment of my ideal man is coming!!!
and i just might be able to see him in person!!!

*swwooooonnn*

if the universe conspires to the fullest, rated K might just get us Lee Dong Wook fans to swear our undying love for him, and we will be able to see him!!! touch him... breathe the same air he's breathing...

anu ba kung exaj, walang pakialamanan! haha!

i'm thinking na what to tell him...

i love you, can i keep you?
you're so delicious, can i eat you?!

haha! ngayon lang ako kinilig na na-e-excite ng ganito sa isang celebrity! i swear, i'm not usually this insane! haha!

if this pushes through, this will be the most gaga and exciting moment of my life! haha!

harrased

2006-07-14T17:09:00.000+08:00

i've been so busy and harassed these past few days, what with work, teaching, MBA classes, my mom's thesis, and the other minor things that need to be taken care of in this so-called life. it's all ME-time (well, save for my mom's thesis of course - which is a real PAIN), and i intend to be busy and harassed, not only with the "career" part of my life, but with family and friends also.

work is busy, though there are idle times still. there's this new group that's being formed, and it's called the Strategic Research and Projects Team. i've accepted the offer to be in this group, but initially, i thought this was just a project and not a permanent move... but it seems it's going to be that way, and now, im thinking twice. it's challenging, and it would be a good career move, but i don't know if i'm ready to take it cos it's this rubbing-elbows-with-company-execs, dealing-with-global-execs and my-head-will-explode-cos-i'll-be-so-smart team. hello, it's STRATEGIC RESEARCH! and it involves the whole company, and it's scary but it's great - professionally. ah basta ganun... i hope God's plans are in this corner. and i will miss my team, if ever... we've already been talking about our trip to the States come Feb, and i hate to miss that :(

i've got a couple of movie dates lined up, and im so happy that i'll be spending time with friends who i haven't seen for such a long time, or friends that i just have a great time always with :D so far, i've got mich, cla, coney, sarah, pat, ge, jeng and jihan on my list. i think i'm going to catch all the movies i like this time around :D

i have that events planning seminar on the 22nd, and i am sooo looking forward to that because i can actually be an events planner after that (anyone who needs a newbie events planner for their wedding or something? pick me! while i'm cheap! hehe)

my MBA classes are not that hard yet, so i still survive (rant: argh for irresponsible groupmates! how the hell did they pass the entrance exams?!) Teaching is going great, albeit it's such a hassle to come up with lesson plans grr... in fact, i'm two lesson plans late. hehe. but i'm enjoying it cause my students are nice and it's fun to be back in high school :D

i won't talk about Kit because i don't feel that great towards him. i really miss him. but...

Make your Mr. Maybe your MR. RIGHT

2006-07-05T23:43:00.000+08:00

Stolen from Nes...

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your own relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your SO (significant other) might start asking, "Did I choose the right person?" And as you and your SO reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown. People blame their SOs for their unhappiness and look outside their relationship for fulfillment.

Fulfillment in a relationship comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO A SUCCESFUL RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

I am 84% Filipino!

2006-06-28T19:28:00.000+08:00

[x]You have sung on karaoke
[x]You have bought clothes from ukay-ukay (and wore them) (cannot. resist. shopping. for. cheap. but. nice. stuff!)
[x] You have eaten pancit (comfort food ito!Lucky Me chilimansi!)
[x] You have danced a traditional Pinoy dance in front of people (high school days pa)
[x]You have been to a free concert
[x] You have never worn contact lenses
[x] You can speak tagalog fluently
[x] You have bought AutoloadMax/E-Load
[x] You like to eat Sky Flakes
[x] You have put oil in your hair (i was young! and i wanted shiny hair hehe)
[x]You have washed your/other people's clothes in a 'plangana'
TOTAL= 11

[x] You know the 'pinoy ako' dance steps (the PBB syndrome)
[x] You have been to the divisoria
[x] You have been to Quiapo
[x] You have been to Baclaran
[x] You have ridden on a public jeepney
[x] You have been to mass at Baclaran Church
[x] You have drank 'taho'
[x] You have eaten halo-halo
[x] You have hung out outside a sari-sari store and enjoyed it.
[x] You have jaywalked (i got caught...buti na lang nadala sa pakyut si manong!hehe)
TOTAL= 10

[x] You have eaten 'dirty ice-cream'
[x] You have eaten lechon
[x] You love watching Pinoy Novelas (yung magaganda lang ha, like Sa Piling Mo :D )
[ ] You have almost been attacked by a monster
[x] You have gone to the province by bus
[x] You have slept on a banig
[ ] You have faked your age (i look younger naman na than i really am e)
[ ] You have swam in a public pool
[x] You have peed in a pooL (again, bata pa ko neto! hehe)
[x] You have been to a parlor and got something done
TOTAL= 7

[ ] You have been obsessed with a pure pinoy actor/actress
[x] You have been to a public basketball game.
[x] You have eaten 'isaw'
[x] You have/had 'bulate' in your stomach
[ ] You own a Magic Sing
[x] You have played 'Patintero'
[x] You have played 'Sipa'
[ ] You have bought a dog/cat from the divisoria
[x] You have looked for lice on another person's/animal's head
[x] You have played BINGO
TOTAL= 7

[x] You have been to Pasay
[x] You have taken a road trip by car
[ ] You have thought of using someone for their money
[ ] You like to use someone for his/her money
[ ] You have owned a black and white fone (anong black and white phone?)
[x] You have slept at around 5am or so
[x] You haven't gone for a week without bathing (this means that in a week, i take a bath diba? rule of the double negative applies, right?)
[x] You have gotten drunk
[x] You respect your elders
[x] You like to gimmick
TOTAL= 7

Now add up the total points and double it!
Then post with the subject "I am __% Filipino!"

share ko pala

2006-06-23T12:27:00.000+08:00

Most memorable first day funk:

Me: who can lead the prayer?
Student: me, maam!!!

-- silence --

Student: let us put ourselves in the holy presence of God...
Shine, Jesus, Shine! (complete with actions...)

:D

last song syndrome

2006-06-22T16:48:00.000+08:00

pahirapan magdownload... but it was worth it. i love this song, kasi ang ganda pakinggan... sigh.

What About Love?
by Lemar

What if I took my time to love you?
What if I put no one above you?
What if I did the things
That really mattered?
What if I ran through
Hoops of disaster?

No one would care if
We never made it
We're in this alone
So why don't we face it
There is no room to
Blame one another
We just need time to
Forgive each other

[Chorus:]
What about love?
What about feeling?
What about all the things that make life worth living?
What about faith?
What about trust?
And tell me baby...what about us?

How can I give this
Love a new beginning?
How can I stop the rain?
It's never ending
How do I keep my soul believing?
Memories of how we
Should be keep calling

[Chorus]

I'll take the rivers rise
I'll take the happy times
I'll take the moments of disaster

[Chorus]

Day 1 of a lonelier 5 months

2006-06-22T12:58:00.000+08:00

it's a good thing i had polar bear to comfort me last night. he's just as good smelling, and he's cuddlier too... and he silently listens to my rants... and i know that he will always be by my side...
bwahaha! magselos ka kay polar bear!
oh, and i have to buy new batteries so that he can talk once again and sing to me, and tell me that he loves me...

hehe babaw :D

hey, im lonely, im entitled to be a bit insane!

anyway, lots to do. for one, there's that stat take home final exam i've been dreading to start... :(
i also have to get started on next week's lesson plan. and i have to set my next gimmick with my jolog friends! one thing that will do me a lot of good now that my precious other half is gone is that i'll get to spend quality time with my friends this time (uh-huh, usually, it's the single friends hehe...)

so if you're single, and you're my friend, then expect me to invite you out sometime ;)

see yah! :D

how's this for maintaining balance?

2006-06-21T12:01:00.000+08:00

they say when something bad happens, something good will happen as well... i guess it also goes the other way around: when something good happens, something bad is bound to happen... you might think im over reacting... but i'm just so bummed...

Teaching proved to be easy. I've got hyper but nice students. I know I cant base it all on the first day, but i think my first year of teaching won't be traumatic or something i'd regret getting into.

Now, in exchange for this good luck, Kit gave me the bad news. His departure has been moved one day. He told me this on the phone, and i'd been so happy until... "One day earlier. Na-move to 21."

A few hours more. I sooo dread this day.

this dreaded week

2006-06-19T00:35:00.000+08:00

teaching at St.Paul - nerve-wracking. i dont know what to expect. yuck, the feeling is really like being back in high school... everyone is insecure in high school, and now, that includes me.
enrollment for MBA 1st trisem 06-07 - gawd, there goes my money for shopping. and i didnt take the usual "one easy, one hard" subject. i took FinAcc and MetRes... worse, i dont think i know anybody else in the same class. can anybody spell l-o-s-e-r... jeez, hope not. my sked is Wed 6-745 and Sat 3-5.i took the Sat class cos that's when the good teacher's sked is. and no, it's not date day because...
Kit is leaving for the US on the 22nd - suckin' suckitash... i sooo hate it. last night, i was crying nonstop and i couldnt help it. that was after i told myself not to be so melodramatic. but i dont know, it's like a reflex action. i just think of him not being there and i cry buckets =...( seriously. missing him really gets me all worked up... this is so not gonna be good for me. last night, i kept telling myself to stop... but my tear ducts just arent getting the message...
my mom has another paper - and of course it's either i end up entirely overhauling it, or just making it myself (which, by the way, is the reason why im still up right now). worse, this coming month, she has to do her thesis draft... rather, i have to do her thesis draft. ulk.
ethics and stat finals - the first one is easy actually. but the second... nada. i know nada. im still clinging on the hope na Chan wont fail any of us. it's actually a take home exam, which increases my chances... but with my chances being a mere 10%, it ups to 15%... which is still not good. the probability of me actually passing this subject is 40%... yep, i calculated that. hahah!

the only thing im looking forward to are the two or three quality moments i'll have with Kit before he leaves... i'm not sure yet if i can accompany him to the airport because of work. damn, now im gonna cry buckets again...

quote unquote

2006-06-16T18:39:00.000+08:00

Life is not measured by the breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away...

stolen from chinky

2006-06-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people. Don't changethe names you've written once you start answering the questions. Ready, Start!

1. Mara 2. Kit 3. Jenny 4. Coney 5. Sheila 6. Ge 7. Nestlee 8. Nino 9. Carlo 10. Pat 11. Ryann 12. Abe 13. Jaimee 14. Carol 15. Me-an 16. Ian 17. Cla 18. Bujoy 19. Lily 20. Checos 21. KC

THE QUESTIONS:
1. How did you meet 14? High school. Classmate for 3 years, and super close friend
2. What would you do if you never met 6? truthfully, there will be a large void in my life. this guy is my best guy friend right now.
3. What would you do if 20 and 9 dated? why not?! i would be happy for them! hehe, kaso both are in committed relationships right now.
4. Did you ever like 5? of course! seesturh ko yan!
5. Would 4 and 12 make a good couple? emmm... both are straight naman e...
6. Describe 8: jologs, makulit at... komplikado hehe
7. Do you think 13 is attractive? naman! gimik girlfriend ko yan e!
8. Tell me something about 17: idol ko. kain lang ng kain di tumataba!
9. Do you know any of 4's family members? nope. pero i know a lot of kwento about them!
10. What's 21's favorite color? purple?
11. What would you do if 18 just confessed s/he liked you? i like you too bujoy! hehe...
12. what language does 20 speak? Tagalog. English. Bikolano. at Nihonggo! ;)
13. Who is 9 going out with? Trixie. for two years now! woohoo!
14. What grade is 16 in? e chemist na to e! Ion Chemist! hehe...
15. When's the last time you talked to 13? naku, tagal na... waahh, tagal na since our last gimik!
16. What is 2's favorite band? wala shang favorite band... pero ngayon sobrang love nya ang songs ng Rent! na-impluwensiyahan na nga ako e!
17. Would you ever date 7? naman... shempre! kasama ko to sa kainan!
18. Would you ever date 12? i love hanging out with her, kasi andami daming chika!!!
19. Is 15 single? yes. at kung no man, lagut sha sakin at di sha nagkukwento!!!
20. What is 19's last name? Agito (it took 15 seconds to try and remember that hehe)
21. Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 11? may serious relationship na to... ako ren... isa pa, pareho kami girls hehe
22. What school does 3 go to? naku, hindi ko pa natatanong kung san na sha magka-college e!
23. Where does 15 live? paranaque!
24. What's your favorite thing about 10? masaya sha kulitin :) mabait na cubemate at unexpected ang mga hirit nya!
25. Have you seen number 1 naked? duh. op chors! since baby pa to, hinuhubaran ko na! haha! love you Mara!

my song for the next 5 months

2006-06-08T16:42:00.000+08:00

Ok, so Kit hasn't left yet... i'm just anticipating how i would feel. oh darn it, this is exactly how i feel already :(

Gusto na Kitang Makita - Session Road

Parang ang bagal ng takbo ng panahon pag wala ka
Alam kong walang dapat sisihin na ako'y
Nandito at nandiyan ka

Refrain:
Pero dahil malayo ka
Ako'y nalulungkot na

Chorus:
Gusto na kitang makita
(Kita kita sa mata)
Gusto na kitang makasama
(Magsama tayong dalawa)

Pininta mong larawan ko
Ang mga una kong nakikita sa umaga
Pagbangon sa kama siguradong
Ang araw ay may bagong pag-asa

Refrain:
Pero dahil malayo ka
Ako'y nalulungkot na

Chorus:
Gusto na kitang makita
(Kita kita sa mata)
Gusto na kitang makasama
(Magsama tayong dalawa)

Refrain:
Pero dahil malayo ka
Ako'y nalulungkot na

Chorus:
Gusto na kitang makita
(Kita kita sa mata)
Gusto na kitang makasama
(Magsama tayong dalawa)
Gusto na kitang makita
(Kita kita sa mata)
Gusto na kitang makasama
(Magsama tayong dalawa)
Gusto na kitang makita
(Kita kita sa mata)
Gusto na kitang makasama
(Magsama tayong dalawa)

june

2006-06-02T21:29:00.000+08:00

ok, so my last post was overly melodramatic... that's how i get sometimes, and everyone can be that way sometimes... ok?

there are so many things i look forward to... and one major thing im sooo notlooking forward to - this June.

well, first, there's the whole scenario of me being a know-it-all about something i don't really know much about, and it's really thanks to my short stint in college and the internet that i'm being a pseudo-expert now... (or so i think)

then, there's a new semester for my MBA... wala lang, i'm gaining more friends lang ganon hehe...

and what about how things are going to be now in the office, now that proxy season's over? but i wont go over the details of that since you probably wont understand ;)

lastly, Mara's entering high school. hello, juggling-the-finances hell... but we'll get through this, and i'm quite positive about that. ;)

the only thing i hate about this month is that Kit is leaving for the US... for the looongest time. i wouldn't know what to do with my Saturdays and my meals now (cause he usually pays for it hehe)... i think i'll do my fasting while he's gone :( i can't put into words just how big an adjustment it will be for me... =..(

but anyhoo, im looking forward to being single again (nyahaha! kidding!)

i'll be busying myself with sooo much stuff, i'd probably just collapse one of these days - maybe in August... sheeshh.

on a happier note, i've bought myself DVDs of CSI Season 6, Friends Seasons 1-4, and i'm going to burn Kim Sam Soon and My Girl - for my viewing pleasure. i prefer to watch, and get involved with these figments of television rather than sleep or live my life. haha! blahhh

breaking down...

2006-05-26T20:36:00.000+08:00

okay, i erased this post because it was soooo overly dramatic, it makes me want to puke...

breaking news...

2006-05-13T12:50:00.000+08:00

bad news: i know zero about my Statistics subject. and i'm just clinging on the hope that Chan won't fail any of us...

good news: i am now officially a Public Relations teacher! wooozaaahhh!!! coolness! :)

i WANT to be invincible

2006-05-12T13:04:00.000+08:00

INVINCIBLE
Christian Bautista

I don't have nerves of steel
I have a heart that feels
I may have cried a million tears
But I won't drown
I let myself unfold
Gave you my hand to hold
You took me beyond where I could see
And then you let go of me

Chorus:
I was damaged by the fall
Got the wind knocked out of me
To be standing here at all
I must be invincible...
I thought that I would break
But now I have come to see
Something strong and beautiful
Inside of me
I must be invincible...

I don't have x-ray eyes
Don't have a heart so wise
How could I have known
you'd let me down
If I had known back then
My eyes were wide open
I still believe I would've risked it
There's no way I would've missed it

*Repeat Chorus

Ahh... It's a blessing and a curse
Ahh... But you find out what you're worth.

* Repeat Chorus

@12:27am

2006-05-11T00:10:00.000+08:00

i think all that work has caught up with me.

now, i'm sick, depressed, and further wallowing myself into misery.

although there really is no BIG reason for me to feel this way, i think all those small things that make me feel bad piled up into this HUGE mountain of crap and i am soooo deep in this shit, i just want to cry. Just to let it out. Just to let myself go.

sigh.

my birthday has come and gone. i've spent a LOT, and yeah, though that's depressing after all the money is gone, shopping is FUN!

Mara's birthday has come and gone, and THAT was a helluva party i threw for her. she got all teary eyed and had a blast! many actually came on such a short notice. i want to post pictures here, but remember im depressed, so im tamad too... look her up in friendster, i've posted the pictures there (that's : mara gonzales)

my OT pay has come and gone. seriously. it's this more than a month's worth of pay, and yes, i have already finished spending it. grabe. will someone please cure me?

i'm doing pretty well at work. pretty pretty well in fact. but sometimes, i disappoint myself, and ofcourse that's not good. i know i tend to make things worse than they really are but i cant help it...

hey, maybe because there are times i just WANT to feel like shit? fartin' hormones... grr...

oh, i think i'll push through with that part time job after all...

my interview's tomorrow, i do hope i make it on time. that's the final interview... i hope that goes well... i've always fantasized about teaching so, thizizit! haha!

how i ended up in that job (or would-be job), it really felt like the universe totally conspired for me.

quick kwento: i was there to submit Mara's requirements and i was already so near where i was supposed to submit them, but then just to be sure i asked the lady in reception where i was supposed to submit them and she told me to go to the high school department.
so there i went, and i entered the principal's office to ask where i should submit them. and then the secretary asked me to just leave my resume and transcript, and i was like "no, i meant application for freshman"... but of course that was the intro i needed. so after she told me i was supposed to submit it at the other bldg, i asked her, "are there positions available for the elective subjects" and so she told me to ask this Mrs Garcia, who wasnt there yet.
"that's a shame" i thought, cause i couldnt wait really... but then when i came back to submit the requirements, i had to pay for the application fee, and that took a long time, so i had to wait for lunch break to be over. when that time came, i said to myself it wouldnt hurt to ask if Mrs Garcia was there already and there she was! i asked which subjects had no teachers yet and she said "Mandarin (err, no, i dont think so!) Japanese (i know the basics only duh) and Public Relations (oh, yeah, thizizit!)"
and so she told me to come by the next morning to do a mock presentation of any topic.

and so i did.

and i think i did very well.

and so here i am. a candidate for teaching Public Relations elective for 4th year HS students. how cool is that?!

hehe... hayyy... my attempt at doing more in my life, so that i wont bother with the inconsequential things i bother about.

oh, and i went to Batangas at Kit's cousin's wedding. and i met the rest of the clan. that was nice. but i guess you could say i didnt please everyone. yeah, i know i cant please everyone that's why im not trying to bum myself over it.

oh, and Kit's leaving for the US for five months. yeah, i know it might not even be us in the end that's why im not trying to bum myself over it.

to self: yeah, keep telling yourself that over and over again, but dont go all weepy on me...

sometimes, i wish i knew why and i wish i knew how...

and i really wish i knew if the choices i've made are right.

Can somebody please save me?

Demmit!

2006-04-11T18:59:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to win an award today (worth P500 and the fame beybe!) but then, i was late and it got forfeited... :(

All that hard work... huhuhu...

sigh, no matter. i'll just have to do my best, as always ;)

and i guess, as long as i myself know that the award had my name on it, (even if that expired come 10:30 this morning...), that still gave me the boost i needed to really start working...

as Phil said, i'm insane as can be, staying until 3am... haha! well, that's because i arrive at 2pm - and i'm after my OT pay, haha!

so enough of sneak peeks of one tree hill... ;P (but i'm already on epi 13 of season3, and i am sooo hooked!)

johari / nohari

2006-03-25T01:51:00.000+08:00

sooo tired. tomorrow, have to wake up at 630am for Mara's graduation (ooops, later na pala un), then i have class pa... tambak sa work, pero still alive and kickin'... ganito na ang work sked ko: 2pm to 2am. hehe.

anyhoo... ito muna.

click click!

what do you think about me?
http://kevan.org/johari?view=annaqt

what do you think about me? - be your evil self version... haha!
http://kevan.org/nohari?view=annaqt

perfect combination :)

2006-03-23T19:03:00.000+08:00

So busy, but I would just like to share that i finally got that mp3 i wanted. ever since i heard it, sobra ko na shang hinanap.

rikkito, bebe, diz wan's por yu... hehe...

PERFECT COMBINATION - Passage

Two hearts
Together, we're a harmony so right
Two sparks
United, we're a fire burning bright
Very true, always brand new
Right from the top, we had a hunch
That we had everything

Perfect combination
Love plus you and me
A perfect combination
We couldn't ask for any better

Perfect combination
We fit to a tee
A perfect combination
We know what takes to last forever, together

So deep inside we share a feeling that's so rare
So sweet just knowing that we are a special pair
All the time, we're two of a kind
And heaven knows, this love will grow
Stronger every day

Perfect combination
Love plus you and me
Perfect combination
We couldn't ask for any better
Perfect combination
We fit to a tee
A perfect combination
We know what takes to last forever together

We can conquer any mountain
Just as long as we stay together
'Cause as one we are an endless fountain
Overflowing with love (Cos our love is a perfect love...)
Perfect love (Cos our love is a perfect love)

Perfect combination
Love plus you and me
A perfect combination
We couldn't ask for any better (No...oh...oh...), oh, no
Perfect combination
We fit to a tee
A perfect combination
We couldn't ask for any better

Our love so deep that it's a perfect combination

You and me (you and me...oh, you and me)

Perfect combination...

I'd like to start my week by saying...

2006-03-20T01:50:00.000+08:00

Life is so short for drama and petty problems, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly...

Life is too short to be anything but happy!

wha?

2006-03-19T20:12:00.000+08:00

how can you say na you love someone if you barely know that person?!

exajjj!

wala lang, im sure she has her reasons, pero hello? it took me 3 months to really like Kit, and it took me about 4 months into the relationship to really admit to myself na i really love him already.

and you already say na mahal mo sha?! and you knew him - what? less than a month?

wha?!

no wonder Kit is freaked out. yes, he is freaked out. and so am i. im sure you're a good person, but you freak us out both.

sorry i just had to let that out...

thank goodness Kit and I are going strong.

thanks Kit, for telling me. you have proved yourself worthy of my love and trust, and i love you more now.

yihee, kilig ka no? ;D thanks for the necklace bebe... and for always being there. lately wala akong mareklamo sayo as in. haha! ginayuma mo ata ako! im just glad we're more than okay. :)

anyway, on other news. went shopping with Abe last Friday! :) sooo happy, we better do that again, ayt? greenhills naman :)

been sooo busy at the office, work is piling up, pero ok lang. i can ask for nothing more,professionally, at this point. thanks to my bosses, sheila and dan. ahehe, sipsip o, publicly thanking pa. ;) basta, enjoy ako sobra at work, the workload and responsibilities are just right, the pay is good, the people are GREAT!

sooo great at school den, i got the subjects and teachers that i wanted. tapos ok pa ung mga kasama ko sa class... i think it's worth it na i took two subjects, maybe next sem i'll take 4 :)

mara's grad on saturday!!! i am sooo excited for that. kaso im as anxious as she is pagnag-highschool na sha... haha...

jenny's grad naman on monday, ill try to make it cuz!

oh and i got myself an ixus55!!!

2006-03-09T18:42:00.000+08:00

and i sooo love it!!!

sorry i cant post so much cos ive got a lot going...

just that ive turned - photo-holic! haha!

it's so beautiful really...

and man, i spent half of my bonus on this sleek thing!

remembering ateneo... - stolen from chris!

2006-03-09T18:26:00.000+08:00

(X) eat at Manang’s

( ) learn the alma mater

( ) get on the dean’s list

(X) lie down and sleep on a bench along EDSA walk

( ) be a TNT!

(X) jog around the campus in the evening

(X) visit the art gallery

(X) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name --> ate alma!

(X) get a Jesuit for a teacher

( ) itch from higad bites

( ) have gotten an F in something (NEVER!!!)

(x) have taken a crap in school

(x) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game --> did this when i graduated na with ge and nino! haha!

(x) give a powerpoint presentation

(X) study in the Caf Upstairs

(X) watch a T.A. play

(X) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars

(X ) eat in Full House, Martha’s Kitchen, and Ken Afford

(X) sleep in the lib

(x) visit Mr. San Andres --> that was for Aegis stuff though.

(X) go to the chapel

(X) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad

(X) cut class with your block to watch a movie ;D

(X) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers: Ferriols, Dacanay, David, Manacsa, Ang, Escaler, Arcilla, Totanes, and many others

( ) go to CERSA night

(x) have tried siomai rice --> with toyo and sweet and sour sauce!

(X) learn how to smoke

(X) fall in love

(X) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib

(x) play cards during your free time --> bridge, pusoy dos and tong-its man!

(X) dress in business attire (damn thesis defense)

(X) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight --> 48 hours straight actually...

( ) have gotten side comments from ASSOC

(X) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes

(x) go to your immersion

(X) eat Food for Thought sandwiches --> loved their tuna crunch! oh and... zestoooo?! :D

(X) get a boyfriend/girlfriend

(X) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors --> my fave pastime :D

(x) watch “Minsan Lang Sila Bata” and “Macho Dancer” for class --> also, evangeline katorse and Toro!!!

(X) do a last minute paper --> many many times...

(X) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures

(x) get exempted from final exams

(X) attend a college mass

(X) promise to quit smoking --> hey that was for one sem lang naman ;)

( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest --> but at least i know where it is!!!

(X) know where the best restrooms are on campus

(X) join an org --> im an org addict!

(X) allow yourself to make mistakes

(X) take summer classes

(X) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening

(X) make a video for a project

( ) have a crush on a teacher

( ) attend a Jesuit retreat

( ) have gotten a parking ticket

(X) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes

(X) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones

(X) participate in school activities

(x) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts

(x) date an Atenean

(X) ride a tricycle on campus

(X) find a tambayan (ACIL Rm)

(X) admire the marikina valley at night

(X) go drinking along Katipunan

(x) learn how to beg for a higher grade

(X) use your cuts wisely

(x) volunteer to be class beadle

(x) had the worst lottery schedule for reg

(X) admire the trees on campus

(x) have forgotten about your free cut and gone to that class

(X) eat in the ISO canteen

(X) be active in your org

( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it

(x) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair

(X) learn how to cram --> im an expert at this already!

(X) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere

(X) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate’s notes

(X) have accidentally seen a make-out session --> and a humping car too!!!

(X) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge

( ) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa --> but i did have classes na comm dept tapos bel!

(X) learn how to work with groupmates from hell

( ) perfect the art of parking on campus

( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus

(x) develop a love for sisig --> dito ko lang nagustuhan to!

(x) learn how to pronounce “AEGIS” properly --> it's a must for me!

( ) have used typing rooms at the library

(X) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function

( ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries

(x) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella

(x) have used consultation hours properly

(X) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn’t break any equipment --> too bad 1st and 2nd yr lang meron non...

(x) visit the Guidance Office

(x) and Infirmary --> to get loads of biogesic, and get high on ammonia...

those were the days... can't believe it's almost 3 years ago na!

montemar once again!

2006-02-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

tomorrow, i'll be off to Bataan to prepare for our company outing!!! wooohooo!!! happy happy, will ride the ferry!!! hehe. and yes, i will be away from my makulit mommy. hehe, minsan lang makulit magpatulong sa studies nya, pero shempre, ok lang un. it will just be nice to have a weekend ng wala akong inaaalalang work or school (whether my own assignments, Mara's or my mom's). sa Monday na lang ulet. haha!

I don't think i'll be sleeping tonight. baka kasi mag-oversleep ako, maiwan ako ng barko! so i'll stay up na lang. i'll finish muna the revisions for my mom's thesis, and then will pack for the trip. tapos take a bath, tapos surf surf na lang or magSIMS mamya haha.

had a blast earlier, nagfeeling models kami nina Coney kaya nagpictorial kami sa pantry haha! will post pictures maybe on Monday.

update pala - I got a Thank You award from the team! ang galing ko daw because of the training haha! not that i'm counting, pero i've been in charge of training the 27 new hires in our team. naks! 27 people calling me ms. anna. haha. wala lang. natuwa ako hehe. speaking of magaling ako, got a similar praise from my BusCom teacher earlier too. hehe. iba ako tlga!

haha tama na nga me, so laki na head! (ooopps, was just posting in the conyo thread in GT, na-carried away churi!)

garbe! (new conyotic term ko haha!) i was soooo magastos the past few days. as in! taxi to and from office. eat eat eat. and yesterday spent 900++ on clothes, just because i was searching for a new suit, but then i ended up NOT buying a suit kasi i ran out of money na on clothes na i never planned on buying! :( but the clothes are fab naman, so i don't feel that bad naman haha! kanina naman, was in Watson's, shempre ended up spending mga 500 den. argh. so i think for the past 15 days i spent hmm... mga 8 thou na. yaiks! garbe! tapos on Monday, i plan on buying pa live feeds na for Celebrity PBB! garbe!

ngak. yan pa. magbi-beach na ko bukas, di man lang ako pumayat kahit konti. waaahhh!!! takaw takaw kasi e! argh!

my problem tlga is - i have NO DISCIPLINE at all! so unlike my mom na mega-mega disciplined. bakit nga ba hindi ko namana yun?! sheeesshhhh... yan tuloy. :(

hay nako. whatever. living by my dad's motto na lang.

Live life to the fullest! No care about the consequences, just do what you want and have fun!

this made me laugh.

2006-02-07T21:40:00.000+08:00

Why was Piglet looking in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh.

haha, ambabaw ko na talaga... the past few days are really quite hectic. but hey, around 25 people are already calling me "Mam Anna" or "Miss Anna" haha! and i find myself running to and fro for meetings, trainings, interviews... sheesshh... but wutduhell, i'm not yet complaining ;)

plus i'll have my hands full friday to sunday. with Pauline unable to go to the company outing, i've been tasked to take care of the outing's activities, finances, etc etc. oh, and my boss volunteered me to take care of the bulletin board too. haha!

ok, so i dont really miss college at the moment. i'm workaholic once again, with pay!

downside of everything?

just one.

i miss my sister :(

Mara,
Sorry if ate is so busy already. Don't worry, we'll gimik again soon! Sister bondings - when we go shopping, waste two hours in powerbooks, watch a movie, go to the arcade and eat eat eat!!! Oh, and i promise i'll take you to the beach sometime in May and to Enchanted Kingdom in June :)

ummm... uh, hello?

2006-02-03T02:31:00.000+08:00

gawd!
has it really been a month since i last blogged?!
see, i really am busy now! my bum days are over! (i think ;)

anyway, first of all --- let's celebrate my new blog design!!! care of KIT! *clap clap* super thanks. i dont really like the pictures you chose though. hay nako pipili na lang ng pictures ung mga mukhang engs pa ako... ayaw ata ako maagaw ng iba e! hehe...

well, during the past month, i've been so busy with training - again. and it ain't over yet. i've just finished with batch 2, but there's batch 2.5, 2.7 and 2.9! (hehe) plus, batch 1 needs to train for review this time and i have to guide them through that. sheeshh... but, hey, i am NOT complaining. even if it ain't my turn to go to the States yet, even if i am really really swamped with work, i still love what i'm doing. it's the same kind of rush when i was heading some departments in orgs back in college. you just have so much responsibility that it makes you immune to stress because you are so psyched to do so many things, to feel like the world can't go on if you're not there (which has actually been true for the past month). for instance, im supposed to be on study leave tomorrow but i have to pass by work tomorrow to meet with batch 1 (and 2 also i think) so that they can proceed with their work. again, i am NOT complaining! in fact, i'm having a ball. now i don't feel like a kid anymore, and i certainly don't feel useless.

i wake up around 9 (or 10), go to work and find that some people have already been looking for me for this and that. not a minute passes by and a trainee approaches me to ask several questions. and then i sit down and i don't just surf sites anymore... but i work! i really work! haha!
jeez, aside from training, i myself will be training for compensation plans - which is really hard - dumudugo na ilong namin marinig lang namin ang mga terms na ginagamit. but then, that's a good thing cause, i guess it makes me more... umm... intellectual. haha! (i'm guaranteed a spot in the next trip to the States too - well, that's what they say anyway, but i can wait :)
then i go home around 11 or 12 in the evening usually, and my mom harasses me with stuff to do for her grad studies, such as editing her thesis proposal, doing a powerpoint presentation for her report, researching on the net or for printing out some 30 page document she needs in the morning. and so, i get to sleep at around 3 or 4am and the cycle continues... but each day is different - and HECTIC!
plus i have my classes (that damn ApMath class is hell, with fartin' long assignments to boot!argh!) - now im thinking how many classes i'm going to enrol for the 3rd semester - and if i can still handle them.

now im thinking of getting a place near the office (will be living with officemates: hmmm, housemates! oh yeah! haha!) but i think my mom won't agree because she'd probably need me to do stuff for her like- forever, but i'm gonna be firm and say i need to do that so that life would be easier for me...

oh gosh, there are a million things to do and sometimes i feel my head will explode, but yeah, i'm still ok, and when i feel numb already, i just play a bit of diner dash or puzzle inlay haha!

anyhoo... i have one fear though. sometimes i think my eyes are going out of focus. shit. i don't want to have to use glasses - or that glass thing they pop into your eye - disgusting! haha... but really. my mom will kill me too. she's been going on and on about doing this and "masisira ang mata mo nyan, bakit ba di ka makinig sa akin, nanggaling na ako jan, antigas tlga ng ulo mo!" but then i ignore her because matigas nga ang ulo ko.... oh mannn...

ok, now im getting sleepy, my eyes are getting heavy, and reggie and i have a wager on who gets to the office first tomorrow (which i think he will win by the way, since hello? my normal waking time is the time we set for the meeting. haha!)

fart. and tomorrow i must study for my math exams. grrr...
good thing my buscom class rocks!

but i'm a bit depressed now... i've got a loooong day ahead of me :(
must. go. shopping.

fireworks

2005-12-30T00:58:00.000+08:00

lately, because of the training that i'm in charge of (yup. i've been really into it), i've been going home really late everyday. but i'm not complaining. i like working at night. i just turn the sound up loud so i won't hear the mumu who haunts the office haha.

anyway, tonight though was a different matter. i stayed in late because i watched some pretty amazing fireworks! for the past 4 days, the world pyro competition could be viewed from right outside our window! and it's only tonight that we noticed it! damn! i love fireworks pa naman! it was sooo amazing watching it! good thing we're on the 28th floor and we have foot to ceiling glass windows. it was just sooo much fun watching it, with coney and i squealing in delight and awe every now and then. haha, i even got to thinking how grateful i am that im a girl since i can squeal and act like a giggly kid, while the boys can't. haha! can you imagine?!
"pare!!! tingnan mo o, mukhang strawberry!"
"wooow!!! nag-iiba kulay!!! *clap clap clap* purpolll!!!"
hahaha!!! reggie tried saying stuff like that and it was hilarious! thank God really that im a girl ;)

anyhoo, back to training, i'm swamped with papers to check (about a hundred to check in fact! aaacckk!), plus i have to make performance reports and have to track each individual's progress. hayyy.. may UK Compensation pa nga ako yaiks! plus i have to train for reviewing... pero that'll have to wait because come January 9, i'll have another batch to train! yaiks! let's just see if i enjoy it still haha!

coney and i prepared a mini-graduation for the temps earlier. just to fulfill our ka-eng-engan. we had certificates made (they looked really professional, ah!), special awards prepared (from the serious to the mundane such as Best in Penmanship, PaBiBo Award, Y Speaker Award, Earth Saver Award and the "Hey, is that you?" Award! ), and the highlight: the medals - gold silver and bronze for our first, second and third honors!!! yeah, we were laying it on pretty thick... hey. we slaved for days for them to be trained well! we deserve a bit of satisfaction and fun out of it! haha!

ok enough about work.

THE HOLIDAYS particularly Christmas... was just like a normal day. i just cooked pasta and bought lechon manok and there were lots of food given by our posh neighbors. we went to mass and watched 3 movies :D i guess the highlight of it was - i was with my family. and that's what's important. lately, i dont get to spend so much time with them - yeah, i guess im turning into one of those people who prefer being at work than being at home... i dunno... maybe it's the rush of having so much responsibility that excites me. this will rub off soon i guess. then i'd be back to going home at 4pm. haha!

this weekend, i'll be stuck at home i think. my mom needs help for her thesis and so i am her slave. sheeeeshhh... and i still have that math take home midterms to deal with. sigh. i guess it would be smart to go to bed now...

and so... this is Christmas...

2005-12-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

I'm not as excited.
In fact, if not for ALL the money i've spent for gifts (for my friends, for Mara's friends and yes, even for my Mom's friends...), sparkling lights all over town and the really cold breeze in the evenings, it wouldn't really feel like Christmas...

but then again, maybe that's just because I haven't been sleeping much lately. Look at me, still at the office at this time! (haha! kinakareer kasi ang pagte-train... yes, i think i am loving this. kadiri na ba ako?) Plus, I have eye bags the size of teabags. seriously. when i smile, you'll see lumps instead of my eyes.

sigh.

the only one i haven't given a gift to --- is HIM.

Do i dare try to offer something to Him?

I hope He won't be disappointed in me.

Kuya Jess. I miss you. :(

LSS

2005-12-13T00:17:00.000+08:00

i found this song so corny before pero now it keeps playing in my head... and i'm not really bothered :) gasgas na, pero nice pala talaga haha...

lalu na kung duet hehe... ;P

Cruisin'

Baby let's cruise
away from here
don't be confused
the way is clear
And if you want it, you got it forever
this is not a one night stand baby
(Chorus)
yeah so, let the music take your mind
just release and you will find
You're gunna fly away
glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
music is played for love
cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Baby tonight
belongs to us
everything right
do what you mind
and inch by inch we get closer and closer
to every little part of eachother
ooh baby yeah
(chorus)
so let the music take your mind
just release and you will find
You're gunna fly away
glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
music is played for love
cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
cruise with me baby
oooooohhh yeah
oooooohhh (ooh, ooh)
oooh baby lets cruise
let's float
let's glide
ooh let's open up
and go inside
and if you want it, you got it forever
I could just stay here beside you and love you baby
(Chorus)
Let the music take your mind
just release and you will find
you're gunna fly away
glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
music is played for love
cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
You're gunna fly away
glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
music is played for love
cruisin' is made for love
I love it when
I love it
I love it
I love it
(oh)
(cruise with me baby)
(I love it when we're cruisin' together)

updates

2005-12-12T00:52:00.000+08:00

orayt orayt. it's been more than a month since i last blogged. haha. no, i am not done with blogging.
believe it or not, i have been sooo busy that i just didnt have time to even think about blogging. so here i am now. eager to share what's been happening in my world. random thoughts pouring in...

***
okay so PBB is finished and my bet (Jayson) didnt win. but it's okay. most of them are on their way to stardom anyway. too bad, i'll miss voyeur days... haha! all i can say is: thank God for PBB i've met cool people over the net (GirlTalk particularly). In fact, i hope i can join them for a Xmas party on Wednesday at RedBox. hope to see you guys! ;)
***
my mom's been gone for a week now and it'll be another week before she comes back. god, you really get to appreciate her when she's gone for a looong time (haha, cos when it's just less than a week, my sister and i jump for joy literally behind her back haha). no one tells us that the floor needs sweeping or our shoes need shining... plus, i had to shoulder all the bills too. grrr.
hay, di bale. even if the whole house is a dump, mara and i are having the time of our lives... hehe. :)
***
mara took the 2nd screening test for pisay. i pray to God she really makes it. if she doesn't... i'll be so poooorrrr for the next four years. i want her to go to a really good school and of course that has a pretty expensive price. i just found out that tuition at st. paul pasig is now aroung 70 thousand a year. shyet. where the hell will i get that money? haha, not that i'll singlehandedly be worrying about this. but still.
parang ayoko na tuloy magka-anak... haha.
oy, pero shempre gusto no. dapat lang tlga handa... so mga 20 years pa ata yon e noh? haha!
***
in my last post i mentioned that i might lose weight because of all the stress. guess what? i did. i actually lost about 10 pounds... but now, i know for sure that i will gain that back. imagine, i gained 10 pounds the previous christmas and i lost it only this november. plus, just this past couple of days, i've been going from one fiesta or buffet to another. sheeeesshh... i sooo want to lose weight, but i dont know, i just can't NOT eat. haha! temptation!!!!
***
i've gone to 168 mall! and i love it! i've bought all the stuff that i wanted to buy for myself (and i look really cute in all of them haha!) and some others for gifts. i managed to really spend a lot. sadness. come christmas i am poor. but well... who needs money when you're surrounded by the people you love?!
yep, that's me trying not to feel so down that i dont have money to spend on... say, a vacation back to bicol or a digicam (which i promised myself na i would buy huhu...)
***
i've been in charge of training the new hires this past week... and i love it! haha, geeky, pero i like doing it. sana i could do this all year. haha! kidding.
oh, i'm not gonna go to the states na in the summer. which is a good thing cos my mom really needs me... but don't feel sorry for me yet...
after all, i got promoted ;)
Senior Research Analyst - Reviewer.
yeah baby!!! haha! i felt so ecstatic when i found out. the challenge is overwhelming since it'll only be reggie and i in charge of level 1 come proxy season (and that is super scary), but it's great at the same time because you get to be responsible for something big and that's rewarding for me. i hope i dont mess up.
***
it was the ACIL centennial celebration last night. reunion with friends... reminiscing ACIL days... man, was it a rush! especially when carolling was up. man, i miss ACIL! i miss college too. sigh. well, i guess what's left for me to do is to simply be thankful that i was given the chance to be a part of ACIL and have so many friends who continue to treasure me. i've found some really great friends in here. ;)
***
too bad there are people who are so blinded by their emotions, they choose to live their life in hate and bitterness... well, all i can say is- that life isnt for me. true i feel bad because it doesnt have to be this way. but well, it's like this now, and she chose to be like this and there's nothing i can do about it. as ge and sheila tell me, it just isn't my problem anymore and i should not be bothered by it. so i'll try to just live my life and forget to care... even if that's hard.
***
overnight at Shox' house last night! so much fun!!! haha, even if nakakabato and nakaka-antok, really, it's the company that you have that makes all the difference.
***
sheila and nancy are still in their dream world that i continue to be someone's dream girl. and honestly, i dont know how to react to that one... (haha, ishuuuuuu)
***
i think i've had enough of teenage drama. hell, ive been a star in one of those when i was in highschool and college. puhleez dont let me go through all that all over again. haha. i guess one just cant help but think about certain what ifs. and i would have to admit that i spent almost an entire day thinking about those what ifs and dissecting every moment, every part of the past, and every present circumstance, trying to make sense of it all and trying so hard to figure out what i have to do or what i really want.
its just so hard to confront certain feelings that you have, particularly those that you should NOT be having! argh. wala kasing closure. haha!
i dunno. until now, sure, i keep wondering what if i took a drastic step and changed my life around to really involve this other person. haha. ewan. considering i'm happy now (well, at least im not sad nor resentful nor regretful...) haha i dont know really. but im guessing that this feeling will stay longer in the closet now.
***
but can i just say that -- hello?! are the things you do and the words you say meant to really confuse me and make me think of the what ifs?! anubaaaa.... hahaha... hay nako. it's either we've, or rather, you've gotten to be so comfortable around me, the hirits and all else dont mean anything except that you sooo love being around me OR nancy and sheila's dreams are coming true... hahaha... as if! haha, this is what i meant by the teenage drama i should be over with. man, all this stuff is supposed to be history for us! or for me, at least. pero ewan ko. bothered ako e. siguro nga kasi walang closure... hehe.
gawd... and there are things you wish you knew before... and there are things that you desperately want to know... but then, you think "what's the point in knowing?" if you really cant do anything about it? or maybe you can do something about it, but its gooing to take a LOT fo guts for you to go for it.
***
man, what a loooong post. hope that fills you up til next month! haha. i dunno. let's see how things turn up... ;)
***
btw, super thanks to my seesturh sheila. i'd be a lot more paranoid and freaky and mega-bothered if we hadn't talked. we have to go out before you leave akay?
and thanks also to the men in my life. (oh wag lagyan ng malisya! haha!) im sure you know who you guys are ;)

24 hours

2005-11-12T07:02:00.000+08:00

for 24 hours this time, ive been alive alert awake enthusiastic... well maybe not that last one.
yes, coffee is responsible for my zero-sleep and my dehydration... argh. it's those freakin math problems! i will never volunteer to collate group work again grrr... on top of that, i had to finish that computerized 40 item shit. im so into presentation pa naman kaya tlgang sinigurado ko pang its super nice... im quite proud of it actually... but geezz... i am sooo tired! will i even get thin in exchange for this? i hope so...
will sleep 2 hours before going to my class later... sigh.

P.S. work opportunities at work are expanding. kewl... if my lucky stars are shining bright, i might be in the states during the summer... or be a analysis reviewer or something. ;)

42 hours

2005-11-11T03:19:00.000+08:00

so that's how long i stayed awake.
haha.
before i went to sleep i had a telebabad session with a friend pa kasi who was bothered by his love problems. how was i supposed to turn that one down?! hahaha.
anyway, i managed to sleep for 15 hours naman para mabawi. hindi pa bawi, pero pwede na. then i was almost late for my thursday class. grabe, hilo pa ko cos i rode a cab and instructed it to go to rockwell. it was only when we were at powerplant that i realized my class was in dela costa! *toink*
well, now im still awake, trying to do math problems. sigh. ive got a ton to do pa. also, my mom needs help pa for her bangladesh reporting. sheeshh. ive got to wake up early pa. :(
ge said maybe i can finally lose weight with all this stress. ive never been able to lose the weight i gained last christmas (about 10 pounds)...
i wish.
or maybe id get even fatter. wahhhh...

not even a wink

2005-11-09T05:48:00.000+08:00

yep. as of last count, i have been awake for...

22 hours.

and still counting because im headed to the office in a while... i drank about 3 cups of coffee this---oooppss, yesterday morning. i did get a lot accomplished, but still... i havent slept?! grabe havent done this for a really looong time.

had to finish a paper pa kasi. sigh. and later i wont get my much needed sleep pa cause Lola Lilia will be arriving from the States at susunduin pa namin sha. plus i have a lot of UK work pa, and there's my freaking ApMath 40 pt take home quiz. really, we havent even had a lesson yet tapos quiz agad?! sheeeshhh...

teachers really are slave drivers.

looking at the bright side, i'm at my "blooming" best when im puyat! and my lips turn really red... ;)

2005-11-05T01:57:00.000+08:00

why do i sometimes feel like i don't exist for you?

it seems the best times are the ones when we live in our own little world, just the two of us...

but when the whole world wants to witness what we have, it is reduced to not even a quarter of how it is when it's just us.

why does it have to be like that?

why do i not recognize you sometimes? like there's this part of you that i just don't get?

and at this moment, everything comes crashing down on me.

just how real is this?

for 3 years... maybe it just isn't.

2005-10-20T09:38:00.000+08:00

blah.
i've tried several times already to compose my thoughts but i cant seem to form a coherent thought.

so maybe instead of pouring out my thoughts, i could pour out my feelings...

i am tired. and stressed. but still, luckily, i haven't let it beat me yet. here i am, with 2 hours of sleep, fighting off the need to slump in my chair and doze off just so i can do something productive with my time: work, quality time with friends and loved ones, "pay it forward" to the people in gt...

i am disappointed. with myself, with people i care about, with people who tell me they would back me up... but then you cant be disappointed for long and so you try to understand still, even if you really can't. you try to justify their actions, because you cant stand to be disappointed any longer.

i am fearful of what lies ahead. will i be able to meet what is expected from me? most important of all, will i be able to meet what i expect from myself?

i am doubtful of my own potential. there are a lot of "if __ then why am i __" questions in my head.

my mind is a jumble of feelings - haha, not thoughts. im quite tired of trying to rationalize every bloody detail in my life.

truth is, i just want to lie in bed, and stare at the blank ceiling...

so must i!

2005-10-11T23:51:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i blogged... buti na lang i came across beawr's LJ... hey, if a cute little bear can blog, so must i!
but then, some of my brain cells are protesting. they are exhausted. sigh. been running around lately to do errands for my mom, plus finalizing my MBA registration... which is a glimpse of hell, as always... you'd think an online registration is a piece of cake? noooo.... it takes a super loooong time i swear. then after all that was done, i found out i'd picked out a professor from MBA Hell.... i had to come back just to change classes. it's a good thing they've opened a new class for ApMath... so i'm taking that instead of MaStat... which i think is much better. after all, math came way before stat did right? fart. im just really freaked out by all this. i really am going back to be burying myself in books, tests and terrifying teachers who freak the fart out of you. it doesnt help that i enrolled along with a bunch of chinese who actually spoke chinese in school! fart! i mean, back in college there were a lot of chinese but they rarely, i mean really rarely spoke in chinese... but this time, that's all i ever heard. meaningless sounds from the mouths of boys and babes... yes i was intimidated... good thing i look chinese... maybe i can fake it... hahaha. anyway, at work, i must confess, im not as productive as i've hoped to be. i get sooo distracted by the live feeds i swear... but at least i still get some work done...
sigh. it doesnt help that a lot of people are counting on me to do other stuff that i shouldnt even be doing. like my mom's paper and even reading assignments (because she has astigmatism she cant read for long...), my sister's creative project (for which i did not sleep at all for, but id have to give her credit too, for she slept at around 2am, when she had to wake up at 530am), my cousin's art history paper (because she doesnt have internet access..grr...), etc etc etc.
i wonder how life would be like a month from now? haha.
now i get so tired i sleep around this time na (yeah, my eyes are getting heavy already) instead of at 2 am.
yeah, that's an improvement. pretty soon, i'll either be leading a saintly life (like be in bed by 9pm *shock*) or i'd be so stressed...
ok that's it ive got to go for now.
fart. i havent brushed my teeth yet. haha.

peekaboo!

2005-10-05T01:08:00.000+08:00

The past few days ive been running around, with a million things running through my head as well…
This is how my day goes usually. I wake up at 9 then hurry off to work. Try to catch up with deadlines, chat with friends, type some stuff for my mom or my sister or for the foundation, watch the big brother live feed***, post on the forum, work work work, call up people to follow up, google on the net, set up another meeting, eat, daydream and talk talk with officemates… meet up with friends for lunch. Then later meet up with kit and eat again… work work… or try to… then hurry off to a movie, or dinner with people from the foundation, meet colorful contacts, eat and leave a dent in my wallet, drink coffee and chat until 1230am. go home and, like now, surf and laze around til i get sleepy... that's around 2am. or if my mom wants me to type something up, im still up til 4. for a few days now, that's been a cycle... i wonder how long i can hold up.
There are just so many things to be done, and so many yet to be thought of. My life is a whirl wind and I would have to say that I am happy with the way things are. My social life is at its peak (haha) with lunch and dinners out left and right, meetings to attend to, people to speak with… it’s a jungle… and for now, I’m loving it… I guess for a while my life has been so idle, I craved for this crazy life. And im not even studying yet. Imagine that. After ive registered for school, Im not sure how my life would be then… would I still welcome the stress that goes along with all this?
I know somehow that I can succeed in doing the impossible. I just need to focus my mind to it and somehow, let God’s grace in too…
Too much to be done in so little time… too many people to meet in a day… too many dreams in one lifetime.

peek into my crazy life this week:
-make letter for lola lilia
-submit requirements for ateneo mba (get picture taken and pass one more recommendation form)
-finish 30 UK companies this week, US company, once a day, and funds here and there...
-start on level 1 primer (hopefully)
-set agenda for tmrw's Panaginip meeting - print this one out. (marketing packages, event details, content of items for printing, get kat's fax of printers' contact details)
-create lay out for marketing and media packets.
-type up my sister's project (which is about 10-15 pages long.. sheeshh...)
-help sister out for her creative autobiography project
-tutor her for pisay exams (read: math math math)
----- >>get enough sleep while going to the office early?! i wish...

***live feeds were supposed to be only for a week, but this guy who provided me with access extended it for me! he's told me na if ever ive been cut off, i would just have to tell him so it gets reloaded... aint that nice?***

it's only now that i realize... how life can be so full, if you allow it to fill you up... but then you cant let it fill you up all the way to the brim... lest you--- well, drown...

please God, help me through this really exciting time of my life... :)

influx

2005-09-24T01:19:00.000+08:00

the past few days have actually been quite eventful.
gone are the days na i have nothing left to do na.

+ now im busier with work because im doing UK Compensation work also, aside from US analyses and being in charge of Research Management...
+ i've gotten more involved with Panaginip Foundation, semi-officially being its marketing head (i now have a new email --> anna@panaginip.org <-- coolness!). we've set December 9 as our launch at Temple Bar. really hope that pushes through, but the bigger problem i guess is the Alcala Legacy... we've got to plan everything na and there's just so much stuff to cover pa! hope we make it! Robert's pretty optimistic that we'll have it easy because of the tons of connections they have and the tons of support from the really important people. Sana we can do everything accdg to schedule. If we pull this off, as Lily put it, we can say we've been a success even before we reach 25!
+ met up with Panaginip's core group last Wednesday, and i saw one of my favorite friends again! Cha i missed you!!! :D Cha is the ever so sarap and saya-dahil-tatawa-lang-kayo-lagi friend. and I'm so happy that she seems so happy right now, married with two kids and a success in business to boot! we'll certainly be seeing more of each other na... nga pala she's got this bazaar to sell her earrings and accessories (which are really nice! and just one of her businesses...) on November 6 at the Intercon.
+ I've also found the smoothest vodka ever! sobrang swabe with no hint of any sabit tlga! :) it costs P250 per bottle but i dont care. i told Lily to go buy me 4 na. hehe. but that's until next year naman na, when their next shipment comes in May. if you guys want, order na lang from me... i'll charge you P280 lang... :D
+ I've slept soooo late the past few days, mga around 3 or 4, either tutoring my mom on how to use the net or finishing up her paper... Im not really complaining naman since this is the time na i can help her out, show her how supportive we are of her during this time. Yun nga lang, Mara is yanking my sleeves also kasi aside from her schoolwork, she needs help studying for her Pisay entrance exams. so yea, even at home im harrassed.
+ Good news! I've won a 1 week subscription to Pinoy Big Brother live streaming! wheee! :D i won it at GirlTalk, thanks to exboyfriend (that's his username, before you get any ideas...) so next week, starting Monday, it'll be my turn transcribing the scenes to my fellow GTalkers. Hehe, taking this particular addiction to the next level! sana lang di ako mumu-in sa office when i stay ng late. This morning, Philip told me minumu daw sha last night! yaiks! freaky tlga...
+ tomorrow is San Mats Day for ACIL but im still not sure if i can go... Sorry Me-an, i'll make it up to you when we go out to lunch this coming week :) Sunday, Nino is inviting me to watch the UAAP game with him and Gerald... again im not sure either... i'm sure you guys will have a wonderful time dating... hehehe. ginagawa nyo lang naman ako palusot e, gusto nyo lang naman tlga quality time together. hehe.
+ i will be enrolling na talaga 1st week of October. taga mo yan sa bato. hehe. i'll finish up my requirements then na tlga. and yes, i wont deny it, tinatamad ako na ayusin sha now. pero i know naman na what ill need to do sooo... ok fine, tamad na nga ako, inamin ko na naman e!
+ i dreamt last night. it was with this guy. and he said to me all those words that i have been so wanting to hear for sooo long na. the problem is, at this particular point in time, if he says those things, it will seriously complicate things... so let's just wish in reality he won't say anything to that effect. hehe. bitin kayo noh?
+ nga pala, i've bought a new monitor kasi the old one conked out na tlga. this one's black, bigger and better. i changed na pati my keyboard and mouse para set sila. hehe. the damage hurt of course. but im praying that Lola Lilia will buy me a digicam and will buy us a laptop.... and maybe i can beg a bit more for an HP iPaQ 6300... or anything similar to it. wish ko laaaannnggg!!!
+ hey sana i can market a lot na lang for the foundation para i can have more money! kareerin ko na to!!!

:D feeling ko tuloy balik college ako- yungharrassed pero masaya. besides, i have an amazing support group naman e. Me-An, thanks for the vote of confidence, and yes, you too, Mr. Maf...

---im praying so hard na lang, na what happened a year ago will not repeat itself... not lang during this time, but EVER. ive got a lot of good going for me and sana nga this is the start of being the ME i've always wanted to be...

i'm lovin' it

2005-09-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

im still at the office and yeah, it's really late. but i don't care. i really love working late. haha. not that a night shift is ideal or anything, i just love the ambiance. it's not that noisy, and i think it's cooler, and it feels lighter, and even i've got to do work stuff (yeah, and not just watch pinoy big brother, The OC or One Tree Hill...), i'm happier and... basta mas-sinisipag ako.

I've got it good... that's how i'm describing my life right now.

My mom and I are in uber-good terms, what with her starting out at school (to take up Masters in National Security Administration, hayuuup!), she needs my computer expertise and research intelligence, haha.
My sister's doing really good at school (honor roll again, alryt!) and she's preparing for that pisay exam (every Sunday morning we miss out on sleep just to make it to her 8am-12nn review classes, bummer).
I have a smiley happy disposition, even when i'm up really late, either due to office work, series marathons or chatting/ gimik with friends.
I've started UK compensation work again and that's not something i haven't gotten over with quite pleasantly before... the extra pay won't hurt either.
Next up, it's MBA at Rockwell, maybe with 2 classes na lang so i won't get rattled or anything. woohooo, tuloy na tuloy na finally.
Plus there's the ACIL Centennial. i'm bound to help out there.
Plus plus, i've joined this start-up Art Foundation called Panaginip Foundation. I'm excited for this, because it'll be similar to doing school org work. I'll be busy with marketing and event planning for this Alfredo Alcala exhibit, which is our first event. Alfredo Alcala was this really great comic artist, he's worked for DC Comics, and he's done Conan, constantine/hellblazer, classic Star Wars, etc etc. haha, i'm not really familiar. basta it's a big project and i love doing this stuff. :) The exhibit will run from January to April 2006 so watch out for that :D

On top of all these, Kit and I are going strong :) i watched Oprah last night, the "He's not that into you" episode, and judging from how things are going, Kit is THAT into me :D
Raizel's leaving for the States pala to go to Stanford for her masters, and we all bid her farewell last Friday. will be posting pictures of that soon, plus our pictures way back from high school! haha! as always, it's great to hang out with my girlfriends :D we went home around 2 na ata cos we had a whole lot to talk about, even if we saw each other just 2 weeks before that. i'd like to keep meeting up with them every month now, instead of once or twice a year.

so there. i'm loving my life right now.
ain't life so grand? :D

2005-09-09T16:56:00.000+08:00

FRANZEN: Ok lang na maalis ako. Bibigyan naman ako siguro ni Big Brother ng commercial, ng sitcom... di naman sa nagpaparinig ako, pare.... tapos nasa labas pala ang asawa ko no? May dalang itak.

BOB: Paano pag ininterview ka ni Willie?

FRANZEN: Alam no Kuya Willie, ang di ko po makakalimutan sa Big Brother e pag nagising ako, si Tito Dougs (Jayson), yung kama nya, mamasa-masa, di ko lang alam kung bakit...

hahaha!panalo!
i super like franzen's antics of pinoy big brother!
itayo ang bandera ng mga jologs!!!

vote now!
text BB FRANZEN to 2331 (globe/sun) or 231 (smart).

of files, exams and letters

2005-09-01T07:26:00.000+08:00

i've been here since 7 am.
yeah, believe it or not, ive broken my record of coming into the office at my usual time range of 1030-12noon.
i had to send some files for kit kasi. sigh. what people do for the people they love... :)
i had to take my mom to the airport den kasi, her flight was 515am, so i woke up around 330am. i'm guessing she's in aklan by now. she'll be there till saturday i think. nga pala, she's passed NDCP, so she'll be studying her masters full time for the next year (she starts september 15). while i'll be busy with my MBA by october. and Mara will be busy with her pisay entrance exams review. Yay, we're all trying to be intellectuals now. haha. all in good time, our brains will pave the way to fame and fortune... hehe...
anyway, i slept pretty late na, so that i could wake up easily... with my monitor at home conking out on me, i had no choice but to tidy up my room to pass the time... but really, when have i ever cleaned my room even if i planned to? :) i ended up reading letters sent to me by friends back in highschool... a lot of the letters came from joyce(my ate), kyla (and her super tiny handwriting), carol (i love the cards that she sends me thru snail mail), abe (love ko fonts nya), jaimee (she often attempts to draw me...ngak!) and denise (probably the person who has written me the most letters- we were almost always on the same boat)... it was pretty heartwarming to be reading all those letters... and funny... i was sooo immature then, and a bit weak and strong all at the same time. the loads of palancas said i was funny, smart and makulit! haha, still am :) but what touched me was how all these people around me loved me even when i was this suicidal and childish freak. and how they treasure me as a friend. makes it hard not to smile so wide... :)
to all my friends back in highschool, i want you all to know that i treasure each one of you, even if we've just been seatmates, cheatmates, recessmates, classmates, letter-writing mates, etc etc. love you all! (flying kiss!!!)
hehe nasenti ako... well the great thing is, i've managed to keep those treasured friends... and those na i dont come into contact with anymore, i know that once we all meet, kahit we all have changed, how we relate to each other won't :)
thanks for all the memories!

p.s. nga pala... i'm loving tyler hilton right now :) but not crushing... i still crush ruben ahehe...

2005-08-29T11:43:00.001+08:00

ruben i crush you!!! hahaha

2005-08-29T11:43:00.000+08:00

pero shempre, ako, i heart ruben... hehehe... notice the hand on the shoulder!!! hehehehe... bait nya tlga sobra!

2005-08-29T11:41:00.000+08:00

we didn't even know cueshe was playing... then when jay and mike approached us, they were kinda shocked that some of us has never heard from them... except for me shempre. hehe, so i sang for them, nakakahiya nga lang. hehe, at para matino, jay sang a few lines for us too (ganda!)...

2005-08-29T11:39:00.000+08:00

my gimik girlfriends (jaimee, ochie, abe and moi)!!! we'll be going out again soon! :D i love hanging out with these girls! nothing boring ever happens!

Stay - Cueshe

2005-08-27T03:04:00.000+08:00

I believe
we shouldnt let the moment pass us by
life's too short
we shouldnt wait for the water to run dry

think about it
cause we only have one shot at destiny
all im asking
could it possibly be you and me?

So if youd still go, ill understand
would you give me something just to hold on to?
and if youll stay, ill hold your hand
cause im truly, madly, crazily in love with you

Time has come
for us to go our separate ways
God forbid
But my mind is going crazy today

i feel so cold
feel so numb
im having nightmares but im awake
Help me lord
Fight this loneliness
Take this pain away

So if youd still go, ill understand
would you give me something just to hold on to?
and if youll stay, ill hold your hand
cause im truly, madly, crazily in love with you

Now that youre gone, im all alone
im still hoping that you would come back home
dont care how long, but im willing to wait
Cause im truly, madly, crazily in love with you

truly madly crazily in love? hehehe.

2005-08-27T02:15:00.000+08:00

today is one of the best "kilig" days of my life.
with jaimee, abe and ochie.
phi bar metrowalk.
from 930 til 1am.
Cueshe. Ruben. Ruben Caballero.
hehe.
he is the guitarist and one of the vocalists of cueshe. and man, can he sing!
i love his rugged looks and his kinda-paos but really kaka-in love and kick ass voice.
first time i ever saw him (on tv pa, eat bulaga at game knb) i found him sooo cute, un nga lang i didnt know his band pa. pero his voice was sooo swoon worthy.
cute cute cute. and i crush him more now than Hale's Champ.
simply because he made me feel kilig all over. :)
we were sitting next to their table (so thank God Jaimee and Abe were late that there were no more seats left by the stage) and when they arrived i tried stealing glances (peripheral vision working overtime!) He is so cute! (hehe paulit ulit na ba?!)
buti jaimee "captivated" the band's drummer mike (and jay also, i think. shame. jay was also so cute, but i guess mike's moves were smoother... although jaimee did like jay better sana...he even sang a bit for her!and i must say: not bad!) but anyway, a band member is still a band member and knowing one has its advantages.
so later, after telling abe ruben is cute and his voice is to die for, jaimee got to ask mike for a picture with ruben.
swoon swoon. here he comes and i am melting as he gazes at me. bwahahah. i shook his hand and i hope he remembers my name. hahaha.
then picture!!!
get this! his hand was on my shoulder! sarap! hahaha.
mejo tulala na lang ako while watching their 45 minute stint.
i totally heart him na.
after their set, he came back by our table and i swear he smiled at me! god, he's so nice!
then before he left he turned to us and said, 'Tuesdays we're here, whole of September."
He is just sooo nice! and cute!
and i hope he doesn't ever ever forget me. yung tipong when i come back again next next tuesday, he would smile at me ulet. hehehe.
i love his smile!
wahehe. wala na 'to. crush. mega-crush.
miss ko na magkacrush ng ganito (take note. crush. and i love Kit. hehe)
pero kasi namaaaaaaaaan
ngayon lang ako nagkacrush na akala ko di mareach na nareach ko na somehow. aaacccckkk!!!
goodbye Champ. Hello Ruben, and i heart you! hahahahaha!
i love getting kilig!
hehe. tameme talaga ako kanina at di ko sha super matingnan kasi ayoko pahalata - pero hello, halata naman lalo. namula pa ko buti madilim.
ay grabe.
cute nya. hahaha. sobra bait pa. pamatay pa boses. at nag-gigitara pa. swoooooonnn.
natutulala ako kakaisip.
black shirt.22. made up hair. super nice smile. i love his voice. sobra.

i remembered. he said he has 2 kids, age 7 and 4.
has a girlfriend and i saw their pictures... (mukhang the mom of the kids and the gilfriend is different) mukhang in love, pero in some of the testimonials, mukhang nagkakalabuan... playgirl daw ung girl e... tsaka mukhang di pa sila ganung katagal tlga...well, whatever makes him happy.

but whatever. basta i heart him. hehe. and im okay and happy with a few kilig moments. that's what crushes are for - those mababaw kilig moments, that dont really feel mababaw, hehe. :)
hope to get more kilig moments! hehe.
will post the pictures on monday! wheeee!!!
oh , and to reiterate: i love Kit. hehehe :)

HALE - Runaway

2005-08-19T14:54:00.000+08:00

talked to you tonight
to sort things out the right way we used to be
when you were still here with me

I wanted you to know
if you have loved me so
then why didn't you let me know
'cause I didn't wanna let you go

so why don't you just runaway from here
'cause I don't want you to get hurt by me
this way
you loved me to the point where I was lost
but then I couldn't catch you there
right there

so just runaway
runaway from here
won't you runaway
runaway from here

and I will never know
if we could ever go
the way that we should be.

HALE - Broken Sonnet

2005-08-19T14:38:00.000+08:00

And now I concede
On the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And now I will admit in this fourth line
That I love you, that I love you.

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight I’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight I’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

The clock on the tv says 8:39 pm
It’s the same, it’s the same
And in this next line
I’ll say it all over again
That I love you, that I love you.

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight I’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight I’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

I’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight I’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.

But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe I’m just not the one for you.

2005-08-19T14:27:00.000+08:00

this is where i went last night. BamBOOZEled party at Dish in ELJ compound.

2005-08-19T14:26:00.000+08:00

i went because i love Hale at the moment... turned out SpongeCola was also playing... and several others, including some of my batchmates' bands...

2005-08-19T14:25:00.000+08:00

i love hale because of this guy's charms... hahahaha.

2005-08-19T14:21:00.000+08:00

kahit nakapikit at pawis pawis, CUTE!

2005-08-19T14:19:00.000+08:00

unti nga lang songs nila na kinanta... and they didnt sing my favorite : Runaway...

2005-08-19T14:18:00.000+08:00

pero ok pa ren... at least nakita ko na si Champ! :D

2005-08-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

plus i spent the whole evening with my favorite set of friends... sheila, ge and nino.

2005-08-19T14:14:00.000+08:00

the closest people i can liken to soulmates... yes, i believe i have more than 1 soulmate :D i always have fun with these guys around (plus even if i say or do stupid things, they won't leave me! they still take care of me and make sure i am safe hehe) and more than being able to watch Hale, it was being with them that made it all worthwhile. Love you guys! *hugs* (awww...sniff sniff...)

what if?!

2005-08-15T10:56:00.000+08:00

What if the "burning bush" Moses saw was a burning marijuana plant? That's why he heard God. That's why when he threw his staff to the ground, it became a snake. When he picked it up it became a staff again. He made water into blood. I guess he was high then.When he went to the pharaoh to show this he said, "I'll make this staff into a serpent. But first, you need to smoke this."

hahahaha... what if nga kaya noh?!
:)
anyway, the weekend went uber-fine. we finally went to market market and i loved it! shopping shopping shopping!!! :D also, i've found cheap fresh greenies for whenever i want a salad. i've watched charlie and the chocolate factory and it made me feel like a kid again! it was like when i watched a series of unfortunate events. it's nice when you've read the book too, and you compare that with the adaptation. i love charlie! he is sooo cute! i wish i was a kid again so that it's ok for me to obsess about this crush, hahaha!